


Finding happiness

by fortheloveoflove



Series: Finding happiness [1]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Love, My First Fanfic, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-25 03:09:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 24,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2606234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortheloveoflove/pseuds/fortheloveoflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fan fiction, consisting of rather short chapters, tells the story about Stef and Lena right after they first met each other, how they fall in love and all the obstacles they are faced with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my FIRST fan fiction ever. I've never written anything like this before, I've only read other's work and I realize now that mine is majorly lacking. But, there's a first time for everything. Keep in mind that I am YOUNG, English is not my first language, it's my second native and well. I'm just trying out. Not sure if I will add more to this story. Totally depends. 
> 
> I'd be happy if you'd want to give me tips on what to do better. I know there isn't enough of their thoughts, descriptions of their surroundings, backstory... Just tell me everything I could've done better. Thanks!

It had been a while since Lena had last called her and Stef was starting to wonder. Did she say something wrong at the café? Did she scare her off when she had to leave for the office? Stef’s head was working at a very fast pace and then it hit her. Why did she even care? Why did she care about this woman who was becoming her friend so much that she would lose sleep because they hadn’t been in touch for only five days?  
\--

Lena reluctantly looked up from her enrollment papers as she heard someone knock at the office door.  
  
‘’Yes?’’ Lena said, with half an eye still glancing down at the paperwork in front of her. ‘’Can I help you, Timothy?’’ she asked when she saw the familiar face at the door.  
  
 ‘’I just came to drop these by.’’ he said and entered the room to drop a bunch of files on Lena’s desk.   
  
‘’Well that’s awfully nice of you.’’ she said, sarcastically, with a smile cracking up on her face.  
  
‘’I’m sorry. I know you have a lot on your plate right now but I need those files signed for the faculty meeting, so, not to put any pressure on you but, done at noon tomorrow?’’  
  
Lena gave him a tired look and then moved her sight back to the enrollment papers. ‘’Yeah yeah, sure, Tim. I’ll get it done.’’  
  
Timothy left her office and closed the door behind him. Lena signed the last paper and had a quick look at the files in front of her. She let out a loud sigh, dropped the pen between her fingers and leaned back.

Her desk was a mess. Paperwork, files that were due tomorrow, a pencil case, notepads, a stapler and a coffee cup she’d received as a gift from one of the students. Her phone was next to that cup. She looked at it and something within her awoken. _Stef_. She hadn’t called Stef in five days. Lena quickly scratched herself on the arm before reaching out to the phone.  She held it in her hand and contemplated whether or not to call. She drew her finger over the screen and the display lit up. _3:44 pm_. _Almost time to go home._  
\--  
  
‘’Mike, he’s counting on you.’’ Stef said quietly with her head askew, trying to keep the phone in place between her shoulder and her ear. She struggled to unlock the front door.  
  
‘’Mommy! Mommy! Is dad on phone?’’ Brandon stood next to her, overly excited at hearing Mike’s name coming out of his mother’s mouth.  
  
Stef finally got the door to work with her and as it slid open, she looked down at Brandon, got a firmer grip of his hand and gently kicked the door wide-open. ‘’Yes, love, Dad’s on the phone.’’ She took him inside and sighed. She didn’t want him talking to his father right now. Mike was not in a good mood.  
  
‘’Can I say hi? Mom, please, can I say hello to Dad?’’ Brandon let go of Stef’s hand and reached out towards Stef and the phone. His smile was big and his eyes were glowing.  
  
‘’Mike, listen. Just be here at 5, okay? Brandon wants to talk to you now’’. She squatted down and gave Brandon the phone. Brandon immediately put the phone to his ear, turned around and began walking towards the living room.  
  
‘’B, baby, don’t talk for too long! You gotta take a bath before you head off, okay sweets?’’  
  
Brandon kept walking and managed to wave as went. _Sassy, that one,_ Stef thought. _I hope Lena isn’t trying to reach me right now._


	2. Invite her

Their first meeting had been shocking in many ways for them both. Lena was surprised to see such a beautiful woman with a five-year-old son who wasn’t accompanied by a man. She had been looking into her eyes a little bit too long, thinking about her halo-like shine a little bit too long and she had shaken her hand one too many seconds. But who was to blame? Stef’s gaze hadn’t given way any earlier than Lena’s had. Stef hadn’t let go any quicker than Lena had. As a matter of act, Lena was the one to break their stare. Lena was the one to pull her hand away. She worked at a school so she would have to treat all parents and kids the same. Of course she couldn’t stand and shake a woman’s hand for an entire hour, even if that was what she wanted. She couldn’t stand there and stare at this woman, even though it felt like a million of tiny little things were flying around her telling her not to ever let to go of this woman’s hand.  
\--  
  
Stef had been so nervous. She had been nervous about visiting Anchor Beach, about setting Brandon free. _It’s hard, as a mother, to see your kids drift off to do things without you. It makes you proud, yes, but scared too._ She’d been busy at work the day before, so she didn’t have much time to prepare mentally _. Why had this day have to come so soon,_ Stef thought, and got herself even more nervous about going to the school.  
  
Then, this woman, the assistant vice principal, had just made everything worse. _Or maybe she’d made everything better?_ Stef wasn’t sure, since her nervousness about showing up had turned into a nervousness from being around Ms. Adams instead. She wasn’t sure why this woman, the assistant vice principal Lena Adams, made her so nervous. _Was it because she was an authority?_ No, that couldn’t be the case. Stef herself is a cop. _So what was it?_ What was it about this woman whom she at that point had only met once, that made her feel like she was suffocating and who made her feel like her cheeks, her chest, her body was on fire? What about this woman made her legs unsteady, her lips tremble and her voice weak? Stef had no idea. She didn’t have a clue _._  
\--  
  
‘’So, I’ll drop him off Sunday at 7pm. That work for you?’’ Mike cast a quick glance at Stef and put on Brandon’s green backpack.  
  
‘’Sure, Mike. Take good care of him, okay?’’ Stef looked back at Mike and leaned against the wall. She was tired. It had been a long day at work, loads of paperwork and a new, greedy partner. She couldn’t be with Mike at the moment, so her boss had her partnered up with someone new. He was a real ass.  
  
‘’Stef, I am his father,’’ Mike said raising his voice, ‘‘don’t tell me to take care of my son as if I didn’t know how.’’ He frowned aggressively.  
  
‘’Yes, Mike, you are his father and I am his mother,’’ Stef stood steady again, not leaning on the wall, ‘’therefor I will tell you to take care of him. You and I both know I have a hard time trusting you around h-‘’ Stef was cut off by Brandon tugging at hear jeans from behind.  
  
‘’Mom, I can’t find Teddy. Did you see him?’’ He looked hopeful. Stef turned around and leaned forward to pick Brandon up. She kissed his forehead.  
  
‘’Teddy is already in the backpack, love.’’ Brandon smiled at her.  
  
‘’Dad’s got your backpack and Teddy is right in there.’’ Mike said as Stef put Brandon back down on the floor.‘‘So, you ready for take off there, big boy?’’ Mike continued, crouching down and reaching one arm out. Brandon was fully dressed and ready to leave. Stef’s heart ached.

‘’Yes Dad let’s go!’’ he shouted triumphantly and grabbed Mike’s arm. Mike stood up, turned around and pushed the door open.  
  
 ‘’Give me a call when the two of you have breakfast tomorrow, okay Mike?’’ Stef put her left hand in her pocket. She didn’t want Brandon to leave.  
  
‘’Bye mom! Love you!’’ Brandon said and ran out the door. His blue jacket disappeared in front of her.  
  
‘’Hey hey young man! I wanted a hug!’’ Stef called after him, smiling.  
  
 ‘’Guess there’s no luck with that, huh,’’ Mike cynically said and turned towards Stef, ‘’talk to you tomorrow. Sleep tight.’’  
  
Stef rolled her eyes and closed the door behind him. She could feel her fists clenching up. She was not happy knowing Mike had Brandon all to himself. Mike had always had a way of making her feel uncomfortable.  
\--  
  
‘’You should ask that woman to come with us tomorrow night.’’ Jenna said over the phone. ‘’We’re going to that new opened bar, Vicky’s. She should come.’’  
  
Lena looked at her wristwatch. ‘’You really think I should ask her to come?’’ she nervously bit her lip. _Could she really do that?_ They had seen each other three times already, over coffee, more coffee and once even going shopping for Lena.  
  
‘’Yeah, I think you should. She’s separated, is she not?’’

Lena could hear how Jenna was smiling on the other line. She laughed. ‘’Yes Jenna, she’s separated. Stef’s separated from a _man,_ and I am going to ask her out on a date? A woman?’’ Lena laughed again. She wanted to. They’d really hit it off well and Lena felt alive, happy and flustered when she was around her. She liked it. Even feeling flustered, she liked.  
  
‘’Well, you don’t have to announce it that way’’ Lena listened carefully and walked over to sit on the couch. She leaned back and put her feet on the table in front of her.  ‘’Just hear if she’s up for a few drinks. If she’s separated she could use the distraction, you know.’’  
  
Jenna was always right and Lena knew that. Plus, if she didn’t see her again, how could she know how the separation and the divorce were going? She didn’t want to seem pushy, but she sure did want to see Stef again. Soon.  
  
Her sanity kicked back in. ‘‘but she’s still married,’’ Lena said stubbornly.  
  
‘’Yeah, but she’s still separated,’’ Jenna smiled at the other end of the line, Lena was sure of it. ‘’Just tell her to come.’’  
  
Lena frowned, ‘’I don’t know, Jenna…’’ _What was holding her back?_ Didn’t she go to those meetings with a therapist to learn how to love again? She needed to let someone in. _But what about her son?_ Stef’s son went to Anchor Beach. _Wouldn’t it be uncalled for?_  
  
‘’The fact that her son’s at Anchor Beach really isn’t a problem, if that’s what’s on your mind.’’ Jenna said convincingly, as if she’d read Lena’s thoughts, ‘’I mean, you’ve met a few times before. You’re practically best friends.’’  
  
Lena’s frowned face disappeared and she laughed again. ‘’No, you’re my best friend.’’ She really was. Jenna could always make her feel better and she was grateful to have her in her life.  
  
Jenna responded in laughter. ‘’I hope to see both of you.’’  
  
Lena took a deep breath. Jenna was right. Something was going on between Stef and her, there was no doubt about that. _But was it something worth pursuing_? Stef was so beautiful. She was soft and sweet, yet hard and decisive. Lena knew she would regret not asking her to come.


	3. An important phone meeting

Stef was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth and plucking her eyebrows when she heard the phone call from downstairs. ‘‘Shoot!’’ she shouted as she spit down the sink and forced herself out of the bathroom. She ran down the stairs with the bun on her head bouncing like a ball. _Crap, crap, crap, crap_ she thought as she closed in on the kitchen where the phone was. She quickly grabbed it and didn’t waste a second on watching the display.  
  
‘’Stef Foster, who is this?’’ her voice was full of anticipation. _Please, please, be Lena._  
  
‘’Mommy! I want to say goodnight.’’ Brandon said on the other side of the line. Stef’s heart slowed down and she took a deep breath.  
  
‘’Hi, baby. Is everything okay?’’ she asked, smiling. She got a little bit worried. Had Mike messed up already?  
  
‘’Yes mom but I have to go to sleep now so goodbye and see you!’’ Stef laughed. Everything was fine.  
  
‘’I love you baby!’’ she exclaimed, but all she got in response were the they-cut-you-off beeps. She was happy he had called, but disappointed it wasn’t Lena. What was this? _Why was she disappointed her son called her, and not the assistant vice principal at his school?_  
  
Stef looked down at the phone in her hand. Her heart skipped a beat and her mouth opened in joy ** _._ New text message from Lena Adams, 6 minutes ago.** She eagerly opened it.  
  
 **‘’** **Stef, hi. Sorry I’ve been so quiet the last few days, got a lot going on at work. Is this a bad time for a phone call?’’**  
  
Stef’s heart beat faster than normal and she quickly dialed Lena. For every signal that passed, Stef’s nervous level arose. She was warm, she felt her fingers tingle. She considered hanging up. _Maybe this wasn’t a good idea? Why did she want to talk to her so badly anyway? What was she going to say?_ She had absolutely nothing to say!  
\--  
  
‘’Lena Adams’’ she said as she picked up the phone and threw the tea bag in the sink.  
  
‘’Hi, it’s Stef.’’ Lena froze. She had forgotten what an amazingly soft voice Stef had. It could sound so sweet and so strong at the same time, the most admirable mixture of softness and strength.  
  
‘’Umm hi, Stef,’’ Lena said and cleared her throat, ‘’how are you?’’  
  
‘’I’m good thank you, Brandon left a couple of hours ago,’’ Lena smiled at Stef’s voice, ‘‘not that I’m happy he’s gone, that’s not what I meant, I’m sad he’s gone, I just mean I-‘’ she cut herself off. Lena’s entire face turned into a smile and again, she felt that warm feeling inside of her. That one feeling she’d been searching for since her last relationship. Whenever she spoke to Stef, it came back.  
  
‘’I know what you mean. What are you up to?’’ Lena asked.  
  
‘’Not much. I was thinking about watching the 8pm news but apparently I had an important phone meeting to attend so I guess no news for me.’’ she joked. Lena liked her jokes, and Stef always had something catchy to say. It was a turn on, really.  
  
‘’Oh, so this wasn’t a good time then?’’ Lena teased. She smiled, grabbed her cup of tea and began walking towards the couch.  
  
‘’It’s fine. I’m glad you texted.’’ Lena suddenly felt overwhelmed. How could this woman make her feel _overwhelmed_ , just by saying the simplest things? They barely even knew each other.  
  
Lena’s mind was working fast. _Stef’s alone,_ she thought. Brandon had just left. Maybe she wants to come over? ‘’So, I was going to ask you something entirely else but since you’re all alone I feel maybe I should offer my company right away.’’ Lena took a deep breath. _This couldn’t possible turn out well._ She continued, ‘’do you want to come over and watch the news here? I’ve got a comfy sofa and, well, a bottle of cheap red.’’ Lena trusted her guts _. Come on,_ Stef, she thought. _Come on_.  
  
It was quiet for a few long seconds. What was Stef thinking? Maybe Lena had misread the signs. Maybe this was all just happening in her head, maybe she’d made it all up. Stef wasn’t a lesbian. She might not even be bisexual!  
  
Stef broke the silence with laughter, ‘‘a comfy sofa? That’s more than I can say I have. Count me in!’’  
  
Lena sighed. Stef’s coming over. _Oh, wait. Stef’s coming over,_ Lena thought. She jumped out of the sofa, took a few sips of tea and began walking towards the kitchen again.  
  
‘’But hey, I’ll bring the wine. You can save that cheap bottle for the next time.’’ Stef smiled at the other end of the line and Lena smiled too. _So, there will be a next time_ , she thought. Lena was so glad she hadn’t changed into her pajamas. She wanted to look good.


	4. La Tense Sassella

Stef stood right on Lena’s front steps with a bottle of wine in her hands. She felt like a little girl on her first day of school. She almost felt dizzy, her mouth was dry and she was hot. God, was it really that warm outside? She fanned herself with her free hand and blew air out her mouth. _Calm down, Stef,_ she thought. _She’s just a friend. Don’t get so nervous._ The door opened.  
  
Lena’s hair was in a bun on her head, she was wearing a violet pantsuit and she had a scarf swirled around her neck. Her brown eyes lit up as her lips simultaneously curved up at the sight of Stef. Stef just looked at her. Her mouth opened slightly in fascination. She was so beautiful.  
  
‘’Hi Stef!’’ Lena exclaimed. ‘’Come in!’’ She held her arm up to show Stef where to enter.  
  
This was not the way Stef remembered Lena. She looked so much more improved and almost different. She looked better. _Can you become an improved version of yourself in just a week?_ Stef needed to snap back to reality. She needed to stop staring, right now. _Stop staring, Stef. Act normal._ Lena gave her a questioning look.  
  
‘’Stef?’’ Lena gazed at her.  
  
‘’God, hi,’’ Stef handed over the bottle of wine to Lena, ‘’Sorry, I was caught up in my own head.’’  
  
‘’Happens to me all the time,’’ Lena said and glanced down at the bottle, ‘’wow, Stef, really? La Tense Sassella?’’ she looked up at Stef again. ‘’You shouldn’t have.’’ She smiled.  
  
Stef walked in and began taking off her jacket. Lena’s home was really nice. It became more than obvious to Stef that Lena really cared for her home. It was very much Lena, it was warm and classy, yet cozy and personal at the same time. She had paintings on the walls, a red rug in the hallway and it smelled nice. It smelled like cinnamon.  
  
‘’Well, the truth is I never knew when to drink that bottle anyway. Might as well celebrate the news every once in a while.’’ Stef’s jacket was off her body.  
  
Lena smiled and locked eyes with Stef. ‘’Here, let me take that for you,’’ Lena said and took Stef’s jacket from her, ‘’hold this, would you?’’ she said and handed over the wine bottle. _A nice little exchange_ , Lena thought and hung the jacket on a hanger. Stef smiled again.  
  
‘’So, why are we celebrating watching the news? It’s a pretty casual thing to do, you know’’ Lena said teasingly and took back the bottle of La Tense Sassella. She looked at Stef. _What kind of joke could she make out of this?_  
  
‘’You know, America, the land of the free and the home of the brave...’’ Stef put her hands in the air to gesture her Great America. Stef laughed at herself.  
  
Lena joined her and looked at her with adoring eyes. ‘’Good god, I think someone needs a drink.’’Stef followed Lena into the kitchen where she poured two glasses. ‘’Here you go.’’ she said and handed Stef a glass of red.  
  
‘’Why thank you.'’ Stef said and looked at Lena who was now leaning towards one of the kitchen counters. Lena stared right into Stef’s blue eyes and she didn’t even look away to have a sip. Stef swallowed and looked back. Her heart beat fast and she could feel her palms getting sweaty.  
  
‘’So, a lot is going on at work for you too then?’’ Lena asked without once breaking the glare. Stef cleared her throat.  
  
‘’Well, yeah, I guess,’’ she took a sip, ‘’there’s a lot of paperwork at the moment, which is not the funniest thing do.’’ She let out a short, insecure laugh. She tried to breathe normally, but something wasn’t working out too well. The air was growing thicker, the room was hot and Lena didn’t stop looking at her. Lena arched an eyebrow and took another sip of wine.  
  
‘’Mhm,’’ Lena murmured, with full focus on Stef’s eyes, ‘’I have a lot of paperwork too. It feels nice to get to relax tonight.’’ Lena smiled. Stef’s thoughts lived a life of their one. _Was Lena hinting something?_  
  
She suddenly felt insecure, flustered to the point of real anxiety. Stef didn’t feel like herself, her arms felt week and she felt like she was watching a scene in slow motion. _What the hell was going on? Why was she feeling this way?_ ‘’Umm,’’ Stef said with a weak voice, ‘’your, umm, the living room?’’ Stef took another sip of wine. She needed to calm down. ‘’Is it…the living room, is it that way?’’ she turned around and pointed with her finger. She could feel Lena’s gaze burn trough her neck.  
  
‘’After you.’’ Lena said and followed Stef who was quickly trying to find her way to the living room.  
  
Lena turned on the TV and sat down next to Stef on the couch. She gently took off her shoes and leaned back.  
  
‘’You don’t like wearing shoes inside?’’ Stef asked as she watched Lena take her shoes off. _That’s very Scandinavian of her,_ Stef thought and smiled to herself. The wine was helping.  
  
‘’I guess I do, but there’s something nice about taking them off when you’re about to relax, you know.’’ Lena faced the TV. Some reality show was on and it was not at all amusing.  
  
Stef smiled and glanced at her smartphone. _7:55_. ‘’News are on in 5 minutes. Excited?’’ she sarcastically asked, laughing a little.  
  
‘’I guess.’’ Lena continued to look at the TV. Something felt odd. Something was different from the feeling in the kitchen. _Was Lena feeling nervous too?_  
  
Stef watched Lena. It was her time to make it a bit easier for Lena, like she had done for her. ‘’You said you wanted to ask me something when we were on the phone?’’  
  
‘’Oh, right.’’ Lena turned around and put one of her legs up in the sofa. She inhaled and looked directly at Stef. ‘’Me and a few of my friends are going to this new bar called Vicky’s tomorrow,’’ Lena took a sip of her wine, exhaled and continued, ‘’I’m done with the partying days really, but it could be nice to have a few drinks or a glass of wine, maybe?’’ Lena raised her eyebrows and slowly tucked her lips in.  
  
Stef contemplated for a moment. ‘’Oh you want me to come?’’ The corners of Stef’s mouth twitched slightly. Lena nodded. ‘’Yes, I would like that’’ Stef said, settling in the sofa.

‘’I’m glad to hear that, Stef.’’ Lena looked back at the TV. She could see Stef’s smile at the corner of her eyes. 


	5. Desire

Stef realized she didn’t know very much about Lena. Why didn’t she have a family? Why didn’t she have a husband? She barely knew anything about her. She was single, that was all she knew. She was single, not dating, and that’s about as much information Stef had about her martial status.  
  
‘’So, Lena, don’t you want kids?’’ Stef asked abruptly, halfway through the news.  
  
Lena was surprised at her question. _Maybe the wine is kicking in?_ ‘’Sure, I do.’’  
  
‘’Then why don’t you have any? Why aren’t you married and trying to create a family?’’ Stef quickly realized the stupidity of her questions. She beat herself up, she figured there would be a sad answer such as; he left, he cheated, he wanted to focus on the career or she simply couldn’t have kids. But this was nothing like that. She laughed, hoping that it could save the situation.  
  
‘’Well, first off’’’ Lena took a breath, ‘’I’m a lesbian.’’  
  
Stef’s laughed died out. _Lena is a....lesbian?_  
  
‘’Whoa, you’re not homophobic are you?’’ Lena had a confused look on her face. Her heart was beating faster. She regretted saying anything.  
  
Stef swallowed. ‘’No, no. I’m not.’’ _My father is though. He can’t stand the gays,_ Stef thought.  
  
‘’Good, cause it’s really no difference. I’m still me.’’ Lena swallowed hard. She hated this. She had been out for years, she wasn’t ashamed of who she was. She was a proud lesbian; she loved to love women. There was nothing wrong with her, yet, something with this situation made her feel uncomfortable.  
  
An overwhelming feeling of sadness washed over Stef. _Lena thought I wouldn’t believe she was still her._ ‘’I feel just like my father.’’ Stef said, frowning as she swept the last of her wine.  
  
Lena looked puzzled. ‘’What do you mean? You feel homophobic?’’ _Please, no. Not Stef._  
  
‘’No, no! I mean the way I made you feel just now. Of course you’re still you.’’ Lena closed her eyes and took a breath. She didn’t believe in God or Jesus, but this time she thanked some kind of higher power. Lena tucked her lips in and shook her head slightly.   
  
‘’Hey, hey, did I make you upset?’’ Stef sounded worried and put her glass of wine on the glass table in front of the sofa. She moved closer to Lena, leaned in and gave her a hug.

’’Hey, hey.. I’m sorry if I upset you.’’ Stef said, pulled back and looked at Lena. She was getting really anxious. Lena sighed and quickly wiped a tear away with her finger.  
  
‘’No, you didn’t upset me, I just… I was going to tell you sooner.’’ Another tear escaped Lena’s eye when she locked eyes at Stef and smiled.  
  
‘’Hey, honey. Honey,’’ Stef smiled and leaned in for another hug, ‘’I don’t care.’’ Lena took a deep breath. ‘’I like you just the way you are.’’ Stef was surprised at how true it was. She truly did like Lena.  
  
She sat with Stef’s arms around her, breathing in the same pace. Lena’s chest was heating up and she succeeded with putting the glass of wine back on the table without breaking the hug. Lena didn’t dare to say anything; she didn’t want Stef to let go. The heat and the tension building up between them made Lena feel her lady parts awaken. She had to take deep breaths.  
  
Almost without noticing it, Stef’s feeling of compassion for Lena turned into something else. The feeling in the kitchen came back, the feeling she’d had outside Lena’s door and the feeling she first felt at Anchor’s Beach when they met each other for the first time. It all came back. She could feel Lena’s warm breath on her neck and her own breathing slowed down. Lena’s left arm slowly, almost inconspicuously, moved lower and began closing in on Stef’s waistband. The air grew thicker again and Stef felt a tingling underneath her pants. Stef took deeper breaths and Lena could feel a change in her touch.  
  
Stef breathed out loudly and gently stroke her hand across Lena’s back. ‘’Stef…’’ Lena whispered.  
  
At the sound of Lena’s voice, Stef felt light-headed. Her soft, soft voice and her warm breath so close to her ear made it hard for her to stay in control.  
  
‘’Stef…’’ Lena whispered again, this time to force a reaction.  
  
‘’Lena?’’ Stef answered, whispering, with a burning desire in her chest. She knew the feeling now. She could put a name to it. It was desire.  
  
Stef began pulling back in order to look at Lena. A tear ran down her face again and Stef’s thumb stroke over her cheek to wipe it away. They looked into each other’s eyes and Lena’s heart was beating so hard and fast, she bet Stef could feel it through the garment of her flannel shirt. They sat so close to each other, pressed to each other, that Lena could feel Stef’s breasts against her own.  
  
‘’Stef, I…’’ Lena tried speaking but the words failed her. She couldn’t come up with anything.

Lena quickly glanced down at Stef’s lips and then back at her eyes. Stef did the same. Stef slowly moved her hand closer to Lena and cupped her face in her hand. She gently caressed her cheek and leaned closer in. She cast a last glance at Lena’s lips, then her eyes, then the lips again before slowly, gently, _kissing her._  
  
She let her tongue work its way across her lips before connecting them in a slow kiss. Stef used her hand to slowly pull Lena even closer to her and Lena put her arms around Stef’s neck. Lena kissed her gently, slowly, before carefully dragging her down on top of her. Stef had never experienced something like this. The kiss was everything she could've ever wished for. She felt complete. The first kiss with Lena...It was so much better than she'd expected.  
  
The kiss grew deeper and more passionate, and they rolled on over to the other side. The couch was rather small, but it fit the both of them. Stef was on top of Lena when she pulled away from the kiss. She looked her deep into her eyes as her thumb and index finger fanned over Lena’s somewhat wet cheek. She let her index slide across her lips too.  
  
‘’Your lips are so soft…’’ Stef said, almost whispering. Lena had the most beautiful, pillow lips.  
  
Lena’s eyes closed and she helplessly tilted her head into Stef’s hand, seeking out more of the tender caress. Stef leaned in again, kissed her and their warm tongues met in a tasteful exchange of sweet saliva.  
  
Lena sat up, still holding Stef close, and she pulled off her scarf and blazer. She let them fall to the floor. Stef watched her with a growing desire and she couldn’t wait to kiss Lena’s lips again. Stef pulled Lena back to her, opened her mouth and kissed her hard. Her chest, her body, her genitals, they were all burning with desire.  Stef pulled Lena on top of her and Lena began unbuttoning her own shirt. Stef went in for Lena’s neck and…

They both immediately stopped when they heard the phone ring. They exchanged shocked looks, disturbed looks, but Stef soon recognized her own ring tone and quickly looked around the room to localize the phone with her eyes. _Reality was calling,_ Stef thought. She looked at Lena ambivalently.  
  
‘’Take it. It could be Brandon.’’ Lena said and breathed out loudly. _She cares so much,_ Stef thought. It was admirable. And right, _Brandon._ She had almost forgotten. _How could she almost have forgotten?_ Stef rose to her feet and walked to the kitchen where the phone was ringing. Lena never took her eyes off Stef.   
  
‘’Stef Foster here,’’ she said as she picked up the phone and began walking towards the living room again. ‘’Who is this?’’  
  
Stef sat down next to Lena who instantly moved close to her and put one hand on her thigh. Stef turned her face to Lena and the desire she felt in her chest began building up. _This was wrong,_ Stef thought. _She knew it was._  
  
‘’Sorry, sir, I can’t hear you, speak up please’’ Stef said smiling, glancing down at Lena’s full lips. Stef just couldn’t help herself. Lena’s mouth curved up slightly in amusement and she slowly caressed Stef’s thigh with her fingers, moving them further down. Stef took a breath _. She shouldn’t be here,_ she thought. _She shouldn’t be kissing another woman._ What was she doing?  
  
‘’What?’’ she outburst, ‘’you need me now?’’ Lena, who still hadn’t taken her eyes off Stef, saw the change in the emotion. _She had to go_.  
  
‘’Yes, okay, Sir, I understand. I will be there as soon as I can,’’ Stef looked at Lena with sad eyes and grabbed the hand on her thigh, ‘’goodbye officer.’’ she said and hung up the phone. She placed it beside her on the couch. Lena arched one of her eyebrows.  
  
‘’They need you, huh, officer Foster?’’ Lena said with a tiny smile appearing on her face. _She had to keep it together._  
  
‘’Wait, you think that’s,’’ Stef smiled and forgot her feeling of guilt for a moment, ‘’you think that’s sexy?’’ Lena’s smile grew bigger.  
  
‘’Well, I certainly would keep you here but, you know,’’ Lena pulled Stef closer. She kissed her on the lips. Stef melted. ‘’I know you’re an officer of the law. I’m not going to keep you if you really can’t stay.’’

Stef was a little confused. _Was Lena feeling guilty too?_ ‘’You’re not upset at all?’’ Lena laughed. _Of course I am,_ Lena thought.  
  
‘‘Yes, but then again, I know more than you.’’ she said quietly and removed a lock of hair from Stef’s face. She was incredibly soft. ‘’You’re coming back here when you’re done. So I get to see you soon anyway. Very soon.’’ Stef smiled at her words, put a hand on the back of Lena’s head and pulled her in for another kiss. Stef couldn’t remember what it was like controlling her own body. She didn’t control it now. Lena did.

‘’My uniform is at home,’’ Stef said and pulled back. ‘’So, I have to go pretty soon.’’ Lena gave her a peck at the lips before pulling back herself. She thought of Stef in a uniform and felt tingles down her pants.  
  
‘’Go now. Then maybe you’ll be back earlier.’’ Stef smiled and stood up. She began walking and buttoning her shirt again. Lena followed her to the door, glanced down at her behind and watched her closely as she put on her jacket.  
  
‘’So, be safe...’’ Lena said and reached for Stef’s hand. ‘’No guns or shootings or violence or something like that.’’ Lena looked serious. She didn’t want to admit it, but Stef’s profession made her uneasy.  
  
Stef let out a quick laugh. ‘’I’m an officer of the law, Lena, you said it yourself,’’ she smiled, ‘’I do what I have to.’’ Lena nodded but she felt her stomach turn. She hated violence, even if she knew that cops didn’t only use violence.  
  
‘’Well, be back soon.’’ Lena said, smiling.  
  
Stef looked at her and longed for her lips. She’d never experienced this kind of attraction before, this undying want. ‘’I certainly will try.’’ Stef pulled Lena in for a last, sweet kiss and then she was out the door. Lena turned around and leaned against the wall. She took a deep breath and put her hand on her chest. _Oh my god._

 


	6. Lena and Brandon

Lena sat in her office, signing papers and every other minute, glancing at her phone. _Nothing_. Not the tiniest sign from Stef. Had she changed her mind?

‘’Ms. Adams?’’ a very young student was at the door. She was surprised when she recognized the face in front of her.

‘’Oh, Brandon! Hi. Come on in.’’ she said and smiled at him.

‘’Can I use the phone?’’ he asked and tried sitting down on the chair in front of Lena. Lena was confused. His little body could hardly get up on the chair.

‘’Well, little fella, that depends. Who are you calling?’’ Brandon looked worried.

‘’Mommy didn’t call me this morning, she does when I’m at Dad’s house’’ he looked down and tucked his lip in.

Lena suddenly felt a little dizzy, a bit frightened. _What if something had happened to Stef?_ She hadn’t come back last night and it was already 10 am without a sign from her.

‘’Absolutely, sweet heart, come over her and we’ll call Ste-your mom.’’ Lena stretched out her arms to get a hold of Brandon. Brandon didn’t know much about his mom and her. All he knew was that they had been seeing each other from time to time, as friends. He never knew how much Lena cared for his beautiful, wonderful mother.

‘’Her name is Stef, do you remember?’’ he asked and sat down on her lap.

‘’Yes, I remember her name, Brandon.’’ she grabbed the office landline and smiled at him, ‘’I’m pretty good with names you know.’’ Brandon smiled back.

‘’Are you good with numbers too? I only remember the first numbers’’ he thought hard. ‘’619…446’’ Brandon stopped.

‘’Wow would you look at that!’’ Lena said and smiled, ‘’but I have her number here so we don’t have to remember it perfectly right now.’’ She dialed Stef’s number and put the phone to her ear.

‘’Officer Stef Foster at service, who is this?’’ Lena smiled and looked at Brandon.

‘’She’s fine’’ Lena whispered with a hand blocking the microphone on the phone. She handed the phone over to Brandon.

‘’Mommy, mommy, it’s Brandon! I’m with Lena in the office.’’ he lit up.

‘’Oh, you’re with Lena? That’s great honey. Tell her hi.’’ Lena could hear her on the other line. Her body turned warm and she let out a quiet sigh of relief.

‘’She says hi Lena,’’ Brandon said and smiled big.

‘’Tell her hi back,’’ Lena said and moved Brandon from her lap to sit directly on the chair. She stood up and walked over to her noticeboard on the wall. She searched for Brandon’s class schedule. She glanced at the clock on the wall and then looked back at the schedule. He had a reading session in two minutes. Brandon was full on talking with his mother and Lena felt happy at the sight of it. She somehow felt comfortable having him around.

‘’Hey, Brandon,’’ she said and walked towards the desk again, ‘’you think it’s okay to wrap that up? I don’t think Mrs. Gonzales will be too happy when she finds out you were in my office at your reading hour.’’ Lena smiled at him. He looked a bit disappointed but quickly understood.

‘’Mommy, mom, I have to go because I will read’’ he said and looked at Lena for approval. Lena gave him the thumbs up. ‘’Bye mommy!’’ he said and put the phone on the desk. He jumped down from the chair and walked towards Lena. She could hear Stef’s confused ‘’hellos’’ from the phone. Brandon hugged Lena’s legs and began walking out.

‘’Thank you Lena!’’ he shouted as he ran off. Lena pushed close the door behind him. She smiled to herself and then walked over to the phone on the desk. She lifted the phone and put it to her ear.

‘’Stef?’’ she tried, hopeful.

‘’Yes, I’m still here.’’ Stef answered from the other side. A wave of excitement went went through body. ‘’I’m sorry I didn’t come back last night, it’s pretty messed up here,’’ Stef continued, ‘’I really wanted to.’’

‘’Is everything okay? Are you okay?’’ Lena looked down at her nails, a nervous habit she’d had for a long time.

‘’I’m fine. Gang violence a few blocks from here. Are we still on for tonight? Vicky’s, was it?’’

‘’Absolutely. We can talk more then, I really have some stuff to take care off here.’’ Lena looked down at the files and papers in front of her. _Damn.  
_

‘’Busy woman. I like that.’’ _Well, don’t like it too much_ , Lena thought _._ Brandon made Lena remember _the Dad_. Mike was still in the picture.

‘’So, pick you up what time?’’ Stef asked.  
  
‘’7pm? We can have dinner at Vicky’s, too.’’  
  
‘’Sounds good.’’ Stef confirmed. ‘’And by the way, Ms. Adams’’ she began, ‘’I’ve thought about you all day.’’

 


	7. Vicky's bar

Stef, Lena, Jenna, Kelly, Luke, Vincent and Veronica sat down at a table in the middle of the bar. The bar was pretty old looking even though it was just opened. It reminded Stef of a country bar, with wooden furniture and western-influences on the walls. She liked it.  
  
Lena sat between Luke and Jenna. Stef was sitting across from her.

‘’So, Stef, you’re a cop’’ Luke stated, ‘‘can you have a burger and fries tonight or is that completely against the cop fitness-policy?’’ he asked, laughing at the amazing joke he just made.  
  
Lena looked at Stef who laughed. Her laughter made Lena’s heart jump. ‘’No,’’ she began, ‘’no, I can definitely have a burger.’’ Stef glanced at Lena.  ‘’Which one are you having, Lena?’’ she asked and held her gaze.  
  
Lena lowered her eyes and looked at the menu. ‘’I’m going to go with the Caesar salad. Had a pretty heavy lunch...’’ she smiled, ‘’but I’ve had the bacon burger before and it’s pretty good.’’  
  
Jenna looked over at Lena and outburst ‘’pretty good?!’’, ‘’dude’’ she said, turning to Stef. ‘’Dude, the bacon burger is great.’’  
  
Stef smiled. ‘’Well, then, no need to argue. Everyone ready to order?’’ she asked.  
  
Jenna leaned closer to Lena and whispered ‘’She’s outgoing. That’s very likeable.’’ Lena turned her head halfway towards Jenna and a shy smile played across her lips. Lena looked back at Stef who had her eyes focused on Lena. She slowly licked her lips and took a deep breath. _Wow,_ Lena thought. _She is stunning._  
\--  
  
They had all ordered, everyone had received their drinks and it all seemed to move well.  
  
‘’Okay so let me get this straight. Jenna, Kelly, Lena and Luke are all gay?’’ Stef laughed.  
  
‘’Correct. Welcome to the gay bunch.’’ Kelly said and raised her glass.  
  
‘’Basically Veronica and I are the only straight people around this table. Funny for a change, right?’’ joked Vincent and took a sip of his beer.  
  
Stef frowned a little bit, but gave him a blink and took a sip of her drink. She looked down at the table. The conversation continued, but without Stef. _They were the only two straight people at the table,_ Stef thought. She’d never thought of herself as gay. Absolutely not, because she wasn't. _Or was she?_   _Was she gay?_ No, she couldn’t be. She married a man. _But she never felt for him what she felt for Lena._ But being gay is not very accepted, not very appreciated. Besides, her Dad would loathe her if he found out _. Found out?_ Was she realizing something for him to find out? How was she going to tell him that she was falling for a woman? _Being gay was a choice._ Or was it? Had Lena chosen to be gay? _Would anyone choose to be gay?_  
  
‘’Stef!’’ Lena said louder. Stef blinked frantically and shook her head, ‘‘what?’’ she asked as the waitress put a plate in front of her.  
  
‘’Oh, thank you,’’ Stef said and faced the waitress, ‘‘sorry.’’  
  
Luke made a joke and everybody laughed, but not Stef. Lena noticed. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Lena mouthed to Stef, her eyes were filled with worry. Stef gently waved in the air to gesture that she was okay. She looked down at the plate in front of her.  
  
‘’Wow, that’s quite the burger.’’ she said and swallowed. She felt sick.  
\--  
  
Music filled the room and the volume level had gone up rather much since they came. The waitresses were very busy, the bar was crowded and Jenna had gone to play pool in the other half of the bar with a bunch of new found friends.  
  
‘’Come on, you two! Spill it! Where did you meet?’’ Veronica asked and lit the cigarette she was holding, ‘’don’t tell me you arrested her or something, Stef.’’ She inhaled the smoke and Stef smiled timidly.  
  
‘’No, I most definitely did not arrest her,’’ she glanced at Lena, ‘’something tells me she wouldn’t hurt a fly.’’ Lena smiled at her and stared at her with intense eyes. Stef’s head was pounding and her chest was burning again. Stef took another bite of her burger and waited for Lena to say something. Lena took the hint.  
  
‘’Well, I first saw Stef at school. She has a son who goes to Anchor Beach.’’ It was quiet. Stef took a napkin in her hand and wiped her mouth.  
  
‘’So, you have kids? Previous marriage?’’ Veronica asked as she exhaled the smoke. Stef felt dizzy, she almost felt like she was being interrogated. She took another sip of her drink and cleared her throat. She murmured something.  
  
‘’Look, maybe I’m stepping over some kind of line here,’’ Veronica said and laughed, ‘’I don’t have very many boundaries.’’  
  
Vincent kissed Veronica on the cheek, took the cigarette out of her mouth and then turned to Stef. ‘’Yeah, she really doesn’t.’’ he laughed and inhaled too.  
  
‘’Okay, more beer, anyone?’’ Kelly asked, looking around the table. Stef’s eyes were locked with the plate.  
  
‘’I could do for another beer!’’ Luke exclaimed.  
  
‘’Me too!’’ Vincent followed and Veronica joined in, ‘’I’ll have one too!’’  
  
Lena looked at Stef. _God, why did I bring her here,_ she thought _._ Who brings her date to a dinner with all her gay friends plus two straight ones who are absolutely clueless about something as ridiculous as timing? _What was I thinking?_  
  
‘’Umm, I’m gonna use the...’’ Stef swallowed, ‘’umm, the ladies room.’’ she stood up and removed a string of hair from her face. ‘’If you’ll excuse me.’’ she said and turned around. She walked away from the party, passed the crowded wooden bar and looked for the bathroom.  
  
Kelly looked at Lena, alongside everyone else. ‘’Look, I’m sorry,’’ Veronica started and put her hands up as a gesture of defense.  
  
‘’No, no, it’s nothing,’’ Lena blinked a few times, ‘’I’ll just go talk to her’’ she said and stood up. ‘’Maybe she’s just, I don’t know, full.'' She set off after Stef.  
  
Luke and Kelly exchanged looks. ‘’10 bucks they’re gonna do it on the bathroom floor.’’ he said.   
  
Kelly nodded. ‘’You’re on!’’


	8. The bathroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blushing.

Stef stood in line for the bathroom when Lena approached her from behind. She reached out to touch her back. ‘’Stef, I’m sorry.’’ Lena said. Stef turned around, facing Lena.  
  
Stef looked regretful. ‘’I’m the one who’s sorry, Lena.’’ She didn’t know why she’d felt so uncomfortable talking about how they met. Maybe it was because she hadn’t gone through with the divorce yet. Maybe it was because she was sitting at a table with a bunch of gay people. She didn’t want to think about it. She was a let down to her family. _Dirty, shameful._  
  
‘’C’mere’’ Lena said and pulled Stef in for a hug. She kissed her right underneath the ear. ‘’You don’t have to be sorry for anything’’ she whispered. The heat from Lena’s body radiated onto Stef’s. Stef’s mood changed. She fought to suppress her thoughts. The music was loud and the heat was becoming unbearable for Stef. Lena walked over and leaned in against the wall. Stef watched her. Lena’s brown, soft skin was glowing; it was shining in the dim lights. She was wearing a tight black skirt, a white shirt and silver jewelry. Stef looked her up and down, and damn, _was she hot._ Stef thought about what it would feel touching her skin again. She thought about how it would feel being pressed against her body, maybe dancing with her. She thought about how it would feel having her hips move against her own, pushing, twisting, turning.  
  
Stef always looked like an angel in her eyes. She was just pure light, she radiated brightness and happiness and strength and vulnerability. Lena loved how she’d never once seen Stef wear a dress or a skirt, always seen her in pants. It was sexy. She smiled at her and the intensity in Stef’s look grew stronger. She’d never looked at Lena that way before. Lena took a deep breath, let her head tilt back and parted her lips slightly.  
  
‘’Come here, woman.’’ Lena said quietly, almost too quiet for Stef to hear, but she could make it out, like the skilled lip-reading woman she was. Stef was turned on.  
  
Stef took a step forward and Lena reached for both her wrist at first, slowly pulling her closer. Her grip moved up towards her arms, caressing them, and Stef placed her hands on Lena’s lower back. She slowly pushed Lena up against the wall. Stef moved her hands from Lena’s back to touch her face. Then she kissed Lena, softly at first.  
  
Lena’s lips were as soft as velvet, she tasted of sweet lemonade and her body was pushed against Stef’s. Lena could feel her tongue push against her lips, trying to make their way inside her mouth, but Lena was a tease. Stef wanted her, she wanted her wet tongue, but Lena was deliberately holding back. She gently pushed Stef away, looked into her eyes and stared at her lips. She turned around, making Stef the one pushed up against the wall. Lena grabbed her hand, their fingers intertwined, and she moved their joint hands up against the wall. She placed her other hand on the back of Stef’s head, making it the only thing between Stef and the wall. Stef opened her mouth, and Lena couldn’t hold back anymore.  
  
Their tongues met, danced together, and Stef’s free arm was roughly squeezing at her back. The kisses grew harder, Lena would open her mouth wide and let Stef ravish it. Stef felt Lena’s knee slip in between her legs and she pushed it up towards Stef. Stef couldn’t help herself, she moaned and hummed into Lena’s mouth of shocker and pleasure.  
  
The bathroom door pushed open. A middle-aged man with a beer belly was facing them. ‘’Well well, what have we here’’ he said amusingly. Lena pulled away from Stef, who was irritated at the inconvenience standing in front of her. She gave him a meaning look.  
  
‘’You done in there?’’ Stef asked.  
  
The man looked at the two of them, snorted and walked off. She thought he had been sitting in there, sleeping. At least that was how it looked.  
Lena closed in on Stef again. Stef kissed her neck and kissed her way up to her ear.   
  
‘’I want you.’’ she whispered. Lena’s legs were trembling, her body burning with desire. She let out a muffled moan. ‘’I said, I want you,’’ Stef continued and kissed her neck. ‘’I want you now.’’ she said and began kissing her face, moving towards her mouth.  
  
Lena grabbed her hand and moved her own mouth to Stef’s ear. ‘’I want you, too,’’ she whispered and walked inside the bathroom, with Stef right behind her, ‘’close the door.’’ she urged, and the moment it was closed and locked, Lena pulled Stef back to her. She kissed her roughly, put a hand on her back and the other hand on the back of her head. She tried hard not to pull at her hair.  
  
Stef kissed Lena’s neck, and began kissing down her throat. ‘’Take off your shirt’’ she told Lena. Lena was surprised at the sudden confidence Stef possessed. She did as told, and pulled her shirt over her head. Stef’s cheeks turned red and her mouth opened in surprise. _Wow._ The black lace bra holding Lena’s breast was staring right at Stef. Lena looked at Stef.  
  
‘’Are you okay?’’ Lena said and moved both her hand to caress Stef’s face.  
  
‘’I’m, umm,’’ Stef was at a loss for words, ‘’you’re so beautiful.’’  
  
Lena smiled and reached out to take off Stef’s shirt. She was wearing a simple beige shirt and a pair of grey jeans. Lena couldn’t wait to see her undressed. The garment fluttered to the ground. Stef let out a moan of anticipation and excitement when she felt Lena tug at her bra. Lena kissed her neck and snatched her bra off. It fell down and Stef seemed to freeze. Lena stared at her breasts. They were firm, perky and her nipples were erect. Stef modestly took Lena’s bra of too. Lena smiled and met Stef’s gaze. She held it.  
  
‘’I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’’ Stef said and moved her gaze from Lena’s eyes to her breasts instead.  
  
Lena, topless, pushed Stef back and began walking to the other side of the bathroom. The bathroom was pretty big to be fit in a bar, which was totally great for events of this type. She pushed Stef against the other wall and her long fingers trailed across her smooth skin, cupping her breasts in her hands. Stef sighed in satisfaction and tilted her head back. Lena kissed her on the mouth, and then began bringing the kisses lower. She made a path of kisses down her upper body, closed in on one of her breasts, kissed a circle around her nipple and looked up at Stef. Stef licked her lips and closed her eyes.  
  
‘’Mhmm…’’ Stef let out a load moan as Lena took her nipple in her mouth. She let her tongue swirl over Stef’s nipple, playing with it as if it was a lollipop. ‘’I want you Lena’’ Stef moaned and put one of her hands on Lena’s hair, in her curly, fantastic hair, and put the other hand on the sink next to her.  
  
Lena looked up again, her gaze intense. Stef opened her eyes, met Lena’s gaze and spotted something in it. _Arousal_. She’d never had someone want her this much before, certainly not a woman, and she’d never wanted anyone else this much before. She could feel the arousal in Lena’s eyes, she saw it and it washed over her like ice-cold rain, in a good way. Stef tried to reach for Lena’s back; she wanted to touch her. She was desperate to touch her and wanting nothing more than to give her everything she had.  
  
The hand that was cupping Stef’s breast and keeping it in place as she kissed it was busy, but Lena’s other hand began wandering off on its own. Lena quickly unbuttoned Stef’s jeans and Stef held her breath. She was dizzy, the air was so thick and she had never been this aroused in her entire life. Stef felt Lena’s fingers slip inside her jeans, playing with the lace on her panties. Stef took a firmer grip of Lena’s head and her fingers again disappeared into her curls. Lena looked up at her and smiled. Stef closed her eyes. She held her breath.  
  
‘’Breathe, babe’’, Lena said as her mouth let go of Stef’s nipple. ‘’If you don’t want this, I can st-‘’ Stef cut her off right there.  
  
‘’Don’t stop’’ she said, tilting her head upwards, her eyes still shut and licking her lips.  
  
Stef tried to stand steady on her legs, but her feet were almost stepping on the floor, unwilling to wait any longer. ‘’Lena, don’t stop.’’  
  
Lena moved her hand lower, still on her panties, and she was welcomed with completely soaked garment. Lena thought Stef was literally dripping of wetness. ‘’Jesus, Stef, you are so wet.'’ Lena moaned and began moving her own head lower. _Stef really didn’t want to think about Jesus right now._  
  
Lena slid her fingers inside Stef’s panties and felt Stef’s soft, silk-like area underneath her fingers. Her fingers wandered down towards her clit, her opening, and at an instance, she began exploring Stef.  
  
Stef felt like an electrical wave went through her body. She trembled at Lena’s touch, and she tried to gain her composure, but her legs were weak. Lena let her index circulate her swollen clit and her other finger stretched after her opening. Lena kissed her stomach and pulled down her jeans a bit with her free hand. She pulled down her panties and gently kissed her there, slowly beginning to bring the kisses even lower.  
  
’'My god… Lena.’’ she moaned. The wait and the anticipation were killing Stef.  
  
Lena moved over on her knees, pulling away. Stef looked down at her with disappointment. She felt desperate.  
  
‘’What?’’ she exclaimed.  
  
Lena took of Stef’s shoes so she could get the jeans off of her completely. ‘‘Put your leg up on the sink.’’ she said, smiling.  
  
‘’What?’’ Stef said again.  
  
‘’Just, trust me.’’ Lena said and pulled Stef’s panties off. Stef put it up the sink, causing her legs to be wide open and spread for Lena. She was completely exposed. Stef was compatible to one of her favorite paintings. That's how beautiful she, it, looked.  
  
‘’God, Stef’’ she said. Lena had nothing more to hold back. She took a deep breath. _Stef was going to get to experience heaven._  
\--

‘’Seriously, how long have they been gone now?’’ Luke asked.  
  
‘’I don’t know, ten minutes? Fifteen?’’ Kelly answered.  
  
‘’Hey, maybe they’re having a serious discussion,'' Vincent said and inhaled smoke from another cigarette, ''we really shouldn’t pry. It’s none of our business.’’  
  
’’Veronica sure seemed to think it was her business not too long ago.’’ Luke said jokingly.  
  
‘’Ha ha,’’ Veronica laughed sarcastically, ‘’shut up.’’  
  
Luke looked at Kelly. ‘’You still think they’re doing it on the floor?’’  
  
Kelly looked at him with a smile. ‘’I’m not sure. Maybe we bet just 5 bucks instead?’’  
  
Luke shook his head, ‘’No way,’’ he said, ‘’I'll raise you. 20 bucks they’re having sex.’’ **  
**


	9. Panties in paper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you don't like smut, stop reading.

‘’Yes, yes, yes, Lena....’’ Stef moaned with Lena between her legs. Lena was no longer touching Stef tentatively; she was touching her with pure intent of giving her a mind-blowing orgasm. Lena’s fingers pushed inside Stef and without thinking about it, Stef began rocking against her. Stef’s body was so hot; she felt like she was sweating and her arms, her legs, her stomach, were all burning up.  
  
‘’Lena, oh my god...''  
  
Lena increased the speed and added a third finger in Stef as she lowered her head. The tip of Lena's tongue flickered over Stef’s clit and it sent shivers out through her entire body. _Stef was close_. She clenched her eyes together. Lena replaced her tongue with finger instead, and moved her tongue down to Stef’s opening. Alongside her fingers, Lena’s tongue pushed inside of Stef and swirled, pushed, explored.  
  
‘’Lena’’ Stef breathed out loudly. Her breathing was shorter, she had to catch her breath and then, the tingling started. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared down at the woman kneeling between her legs.  
  
Her whole body tingled and it intensified as she the orgasm washed over her. She lost control of her legs; they were trembling intensely. It felt like a body release and she couldn’t care less about the sounds she was making. Her entire body floated and all the heat her body held went to her head and out in the room.  
  
‘’Oh my god’’ Stef cried out. She climaxed, and it felt like electricity was shot out from her fingers and toes. Waves of glorious tickling and the electrical, fire-like pleasure consumed every part of her body.  
  
‘’Mmmm’’ she moaned as the leg that was on the sink stopped trembling and came back to the floor. Lena slowly began pulling away. Stef was about to fall down, completely exhausted and worn out from an orgasm unlike any other she’d had before. She sighed in satisfaction and shock. She never knew sex could feel this good. She never knew life could feel this great. Her legs felt like spaghetti.  
  
Lena held Stef and made sure she didn’t collapse down on the floor. There she was, the woman she’d wanted for months, right in front of her, naked in a public bathroom. Lena smiled to herself. _Good job._  
  
‘’Maybe this wasn’t the ultimate first time.’’ she said and got a firmer grip around Stef. Stef finally stood steadier on her feet and pulled Lena in for a kiss. Lena's mouth, her lips and the kiss was very different than before. The taste was odd. Stef just realized she’d tasted herself. She looked shocked.  
  
‘’Don’t worry,’’ Lena said, noticing Stef’s face, ‘’you taste good.’’ She pulled her in closer again. ‘’I’m going to let you taste again.’’ Lena whispered and kissed her gently. Lena’s tongue swirled together with Stef’s and Stef liked it. She even enjoyed her own taste. Lena moved her mouth to Stef’s ear and whispered again, ‘’’You taste so...good..’’ It ached between Stef’s legs. _How on earth could she still be horny and turned on after that otherworldly orgasm?  
  
_ Somebody banged on the door aggressively. ‘’Get the fuck out! I need to take a shit and this fucking bathroom has been occupied for fucking ever! Get the hell out!’’ someone shouted from the other side of the door.  
  
Lena, slightly startled, looked at Stef. She giggled and managed to get Lena to do so, too. ‘’Give me a second!’’ Lena shouted and bent down to pick up Stef’s panties and her jeans. She handed them to Stef who was putting her bra back on and went to get her shirt.  
  
‘’Thank you’’ she said as she pulled her panties back on. ‘’No way,’’ Stef said with the panties on, ‘’I can’t wear these.’’  
  
Lena looked at her, raised her eyebrows and smiled. ‘’What’s wrong?’’ _She already knew._  
  
‘'These are soaking wet, Lena.’’ Stef sighed, took them off and threw them back on the floor. Lena couldn’t take her eyes of Stef and her body.  
  
She put her jeans on, pulled the shirt over her head and put her shoes back in place. Lena turned around and put on her shirt again. Comfortable thoughts wandered Lena’s mind. Stef wasn’t wearing any panties. _No panties.  
_  
‘’So what happens to the panties?’’ Lena teased.  
  
‘’Well…’’ Stef began.  
  
‘’Get out already!’’ the person on the other side sounded aggressive. Stef quickly grabbed paper napkins, bent down and tucked the panties in.  
  
‘’Are you kidding?’’ Lena laughed, looking at Stef. She put them in her back pocket. _She sure is something,_ Lena thought.  
  
‘’Let’s get out of here.’’ Stef said, put a hand on Lena’s back and walked out of the bathroom. She was happy. _Oh God, was she happy._

 


	10. Everything I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter I've written. I don't know if I should start writing another chapter. What do you think? And please, give me feedback on what to do better... That would be highly appreciated.

Stef and Lena walked back to their company. Lena’s hand was on Stef’s back now, and she guided her back to their table. Instead of sitting down across from each other, they sat down next to each other. Lena placed her hand on Stef’s knee.  
  
‘’That was quite the bathroom visit.’’ Luke said and blinked with his eyes.  
  
‘’Kiss and make up, huh?’’ Victoria laughed.  
  
Lena and Stef looked at each other, then looked back at the others. ‘’Well, I don't know about that but, I certainly wouldn't be the one to kiss and tell.’’ Lena said and looked specifically at Luke. Stef smiled modestly and glanced at Lena. She felt like a new person.  
  
‘’Where’s Jenna?’’ Stef asked and looked around. Lena followed her with her eyes.

‘’She’s still playing pool with the new friends, you care to join them?’’ Luke smiled, ‘’unfortunately though, Veronica, Vincent and I were just about to go.’’  
  
‘’You’re leaving so soon?’’ Kelly asked. She looked at Lena. ‘’You’re gonna join them at the pool game or not?’’  
  
Stef looked at Lena and put her hand over Lena’s. Lena understood. ‘’No, we’re actually going to leave too, right Stef?’’ she said.  
  
‘’Yeah, sorry,’’ Stef nodded, ‘’it was very nice meeting all of you. Hope to do this again soon.’’ Stef stood up. She reached for her bag and pulled out money from her wallet. She handed it over to Kelly. ‘’That should cover dinner and drinks for Lena and me, yes?’’ Stef smiled at her. Kelly nodded happily.   
  
‘’Whoa, whoa, Stef. You’re not paying.’’ Lena said quickly, looking up at Stef with confusion.  
  
Stef made a funny face. ‘’Um, yes, I am.’’ she bent down and kissed Lena on the cheek. ‘’I kind of owe you now, you know,’’ she whispered. A playful smile showed on Lena’s face.  
  
‘’Well, next time, it’s my treat.’’ Lena assured as she jumped up. She took her bag and placed the strap over her shoulder. Stef put on her brown leather jacket.  
  
‘’Bye, guys. Talk to you soon,'’ Lena said, putting her hand on Stef’s back again, ‘’tell Jenna we said goodbye.’’  
  
‘’Sure will do! Take care, you two.’’ Luke said before beginning to pack up too.  
  
‘’Bye!’’ the others filled in as they watched them walk away.  
  
Luke looked at Kelly. ''Tell your girlfriend she owes 20 bucks.''  
\--

Lena and Stef walked next to each other. When they were by the exit, Stef stopped and grabbed the hand that was on her back. She brought it to her mouth and kissed Lena’s fingers.  
  
‘’Oh,’’ she said, once again surprised at the taste. ‘’Oh, this was the hand…’’ she continued.  
  
The corners of Lena’s mouth twitched and Lena was at the verge of laughing. She pulled Stef closer to her and breathed right in her face. Lena's breath was warm and sweet. ‘’Yeah,'' she smiled, ''that’s the hand.’’ She leaned in, slowly, and covered Stef's mouth with her own. Butterflies flew through Lena's stomach and Stef felt an instant ache between her legs again. _What is happening to me,_ Stef thought.  
  
‘’So, Stef, you’re ready to leave?’’ Lena asked and gave her another kiss, a small peck this time.  
  
‘’Yes,’’ Stef smiled, ‘’but would you do something for me, Lena?’’ She looked into her eyes.  
  
‘’Anything.’’ Lena said and held the gaze.   
  
Stef pushed herself closer to Lena and whispered, as she took her hand and walked out the the door, ‘’Let me do that to you. I want to do what you did to me, to you.’’   
  
Lena glanced at Stef when they exited the bar. The look in her eyes was adoring, grateful and excited. ‘’Of course, Stef.’’ she said, trying not to smile too big. ‘’I’ll teach you everything I know.’’


	11. Real life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to continue the story and try to elaborate their thoughts and my writing a bit. Sucky attempt maybe. I hope U like it....

Everything had been good. Those two days had been brilliant for Stef, and she felt filled with such joy. But, something was bugging her. Mike, Brandon, her father and even her mother. She had been totally caught up in her feelings, she had been in a bubble with Lena for the entire weekend. With Lena, she couldn’t feel anything but heat, happiness, butterflies and tingles down her spine. She had that affect on her. Lena couldn’t possibly make her unhappy. But what about right and wrong? _What about real life?  
_ \--

Lena felt alive. She was afraid, because she didn’t know what she could expect from Stef. Lena was a truthful person, honest and tender, so her conscience was starting to nag at her. _Was this considered cheating?_ She didn’t want to think of it as cheating, not after Gretchen, her fabulously delirious ex-girlfriend had cheated on her with her best friend _. But was it cheating, anyway?_   Stef was separated. But was she still holding on to Mike? Was she still seeing him, being with him? Lena’s thoughts wandered away. _Mike’s hand sliding down Stef’s pants. Mike grabbing Stef, kissing her in the dark._ She felt like throwing up at the thought, and she felt…envious. Was she wrong in this situation? Was Lena villain here? Was Lena, in fact, Mike’s Gretchen?  
\--  
  
‘’My baby!’’ Stef shouted as she welcomed a running Brandon into her arms. ‘’My baby, my baby.’’ Stef lift Brandon up, his backpack falling to the ground and hugging him intensely. Mike walked towards them.

‘’Had a nice two days off?’’ he asked, looking at his wife. He seemed tired, with big bags under his eyes, wearing a black T-shirt with toothpaste stains on it. Stef felt uneasy. _Guilty_. She didn’t even want to look directly at him.  
  
‘’Yeah,’’ she started, smiling at Brandon, ‘’but I missed this little guy.’’ Brandon put his arms around his mother’s neck and hugged her again before beginning to free himself from her grip to stand on his own two feet. Stef was more than happy he was back home.  
  
‘’So what’d you do?’’ Stef asked, razing her gaze to look at Mike. Her stomach turned. _What on earth had she done?_  
  
‘’Not much. We watched Cartoons and, well, that’s about it.’’ Mike looked indifferent. _Cartoons?_ All weekend? Stef frowned as Brandon kicked his shoes off and walked into the living room.  
  
‘’So, what, what, you’ve only watched cartoons? Has he been out?’’ Stef could feel irritation creeping up. Why did he not take care of their son? Why did he keep letting her down?  
  
Mike shrugged. ‘’Look. The kid needs to relax, alright? Sometimes everything going on up here makes him…stressed.’’ Mike looked proud of his statement. Stef was not.  
  
‘’Are you serious right now?’’ she laughed out of frustration, ‘’everything going on up here? What is that supposed to mean?’’ her eyes were intense. She felt like she was on fire. Was he intentionally trying to make her dislike him?  
  
‘’You know, this new school has really high standards. He’s tired, Stef.’’ said Mike, once again proud as if he had made a great discovery and was the solution to all problems.  
  
‘’Knock it off, Mike. The school’s good for B. The teachers are amazing.’’ Stef thought of one teacher in particular. Or, staff: the assistant vice principal, Lena Adams. She felt guilty again. _Why was she thinking about Lena right now?_  
  
‘’Yeah, well, he needed this,’’ Mike said, brushing bread crumbs off his shirt, ‘’talk to you soon.’’ He went out the door without letting Stef respond. She sighed loudly out of irritation and she was upset. How can he claim to know more about their son than she does? Brandon was fine. Hell, he was brilliant. Stef was a great mom and she knew it. Mike was the one to be absent from his life too much, not Stef. Stef was by his side, unconditionally. She’d always been there. She would always be there! Brandon could count on her! But Mike? Could Brandon count on his dad? No.  
  
Stef’s phone beeped. She tried to calm herself and took the phone from her back pocket. She was wearing her favorite, grey jeans. **New text message from Lena Adams.** Without even thinking about it, she smiled and opened the message.  
  
 _ **‘’Is Brandon home yet? How did things go?’’** _ Stef felt anxious and her smile disappeared. She felt like she was being pushed from side to side, from life to life. How could this work? Lena already meant so much to her. She wanted to be near her all the time, she wanted to hold her, touch her. _But how could this work out?_ She was still married to Mike. Sure, Mike was not a very likable person at the moment, _but they were still married_. She’d sworn to love him until death did them apart, and now this woman had just walked right into her life. It went against everything she’d believed in, everything she’d been taught. But her feelings for Lena were infinite. She’d never experienced anything like this. She was overwhelmed by all the love she wanted to give Lena.  
  
 ** _‘’He is fine and back home. We are going to bed. Good night, Lena.’’_** She ran her fingers through her hair. She felt bad for cutting their conversation so short, but she needed to figure this out. She needed to figure it out quickly.  
\--  
  
The next morning, Lena was back at the school for a new week. She was, as usual, handed new paper work each week and this week the informative letters about the school play needed to go out to the parents. Good thing was, she always went to visit all the classes on Mondays. She was looking forward to meeting all the kids again.

Her desk vibrated due to the phone. _Stef_. **_''We need to talk. Tomorrow?’’_** read the message. Lena moved in her chair. She got a weird feeling of fear. Terror, even. She stood up, the phone still in her hand. Ignoring the paperwork, she walked out of her office. She needed fresh air. Or at least a cup of hot, strong coffee. She knew what could be about to come and she felt terrified.

Walking through the corridors, she greeted the kids. She walked past the lockers, picked up someone’s notepad and gave it back to them. _They are all so sweet,_ she thought. Lena loved kids. She’d always wanted kids, many kids. She’d always dreamt of a big family, raising it with someone she’d love forever. She still wanted that, and she knew she couldn’t wait forever. Lena was still pretty young, with 27 years of age, but her urge to settle down had been growing. Lena picked up her phone again. She had to answer Stef.

 ** _‘’Absolutely.’'_   **Lena responded. She wanted to call her, talk to her instead of texting. Lena wasn’t really in favor of this type of communication. She liked to talk to people, to see them. _What if she got too attached to Stef?_ Lena sighed at her own thoughts, almost laughing at her made-up oblivion.  _Who was she kidding?_ She was already attached. She was in love.


	12. Woman in uniform

Stef was baffled. All of this was new to her, and she couldn’t believe she’d gone through it all without hesitation strong enough to keep her from doing the things she’d done. How did people live like this? _It was wrong, was it not?_ Two women couldn’t possibly be together. She remembered how she’d been caught cuddling with her best friend Tess in high school, and how her father had been absolutely, completely furious. His eyes had been filled with terror and desperation, then he had called Pastor Dan Nichols whom Stef would never, ever forget. No matter how hard she tried to suppress him from her mind, he remained in there. Their conversation (or his speech), his face and his looks had etched itself deep into Stef’s mind.

Stef stood in the kitchen, sipping on coffee, fully dressed in her uniform. She was in for a long day at work, having to be at the station from 11 AM and then working for the rest of the evening. She’d called Sharon to help her out with Brandon. She looked at the clock, yawning. _Time for school._  
  
‘’Brandon baby!’’ she shouted and poured the coffee out into the sink, ‘’time to go!’’  
\--  
  
Walking into the teacher’s longue, Lena was craving something to calm her nerves. Timothy stood by the coffee machine. ‘’Coffee?’’ he asked with his English accent, offering her a newly brewed cup. Lena shook her head and walked towards the refrigerator.  
  
‘’No thank you,’’ she answered, having changed her mind, ‘’I was going to have coffee but I’ll have juice instead,'' she took a breath, ‘’I need the sugar.’’ She smiled tensely.  
  
‘’Rough day? Monday mornings aren’t always easy.’’ Timothy said, walking to the sofa to sit down and relax. Lena poured herself a big glass of orange juice, swept half of the glass and then proceeded to sit by his side.  
  
‘’It’s not work related,'' she said, sighing and leaning back at the backrest, ''I love my job.’’ Lena’s lips weren’t formed into a crooked smile as usual. They were not perking upwards at all; it was the opposite. She held the glass between her hands and caressed her hand with her one thumb.  
  
‘’I know you do.’’ Timothy agreed and moved towards her, crossing one leg over the other. ‘’So what’s the matter? Are you concerned about something?’’ Timothy had always been a very understanding man; Lena had known that from the first day they met. He was sweet and kind and seemed to be nothing but loving.  
  
‘’Love, I believe. I don’t even know if it is love.’’ Lena felt as stupid as she sounded. She laughed. ‘’Cliché, cliché, I know!’’ she looked down at her glass before bringing it to her mouth and taking a sip. ‘’I just cannot stop thinking about this woman.’’ she burst out, turning to Timothy.  
  
‘’Well, is she good looking?’’ he said, smiling. Lena laughed.  
  
‘’Men. You’re all the same, aren’t you?’’ she laughed with him. He managed to cheer her up.  
  
‘’No. Not completely. But I think if I was a woman, I wouldn’t like men either.’’ His joke cracked Lena up. She was now laughing, drinking from her orange juice and thinking about things other than Stef.  
  
All of the sudden, the coffee machine let out a loud boom. Both Lena and Timothy turned their heads in surprise. Lena stared at the small amount of smoke trickling out of the machine. Timothy flew up from his seat and rushed towards the machine.  
  
‘’Damn it!’’ he shouted. ‘’I loved this machine!’’ He looked frustrated and Lena couldn’t help but laugh. She finished her orange juice, went over to the kitchen and put the glass in the dishwasher.  
  
‘’I guess someone’s day is turning out a bit worse than mine.'' she continued laughing, ''at least I can drink orange juice over coffee.’’ Timothy just sighed, before he too laughed.  
  
‘’I need to go now. Good luck with the machine there, Timothy.’’ Lena walked over and gave him a quick pat on the back before leaving the room and heading back into the corridors, with her goal set to the courtyard. She could use some air after all.  
\--  
  
‘’Okay Brandon, listen to mommy now,’’ Stef said as before stepped out of the car. She walked around it, opened the door and unbuckled her son. ‘’Grandma Sharon will be picking you up today, love.’’ Brandon eyes moved from the Gameboy to his mother, with an excited look on his face. Watching her son, anxiety filled her chest again, just like it had the night before.  _What would happen to Brandon?_ Maybe she would scar him for life if she kept on seeing Lena. Maybe Mike would take him away from her.  _Mike._ She’d break Mike’s heart if she left him.

Brandon forced his mother to abandon her confused thoughts. ‘’Let me out!’’ he exclaimed.   
  
‘’No, no, no, you’re a prisoner!’’ she laughed at him as she lifted Brandon out of the highchair and took the Gameboy from his hands and put it in the chair. ‘’Excited for school?’’ Stef asked as she reached for his hand and walked him over the parking lot. She knew there was a chance she’d run into Lena at Anchor’s Beach, but what other choice did she have than to go there? Brandon had to get to school in time, and since his absent alcoholic of a father, Mike, would never take him - she had to do it every morning. She enjoyed doing it, really, but this morning it was different. She felt an unfamiliar tingling in her stomach. She was nervous. The dizziness that had been gone last night and this morning suddenly came back the exact second she saw the school. She felt reluctant to go inside.  
  
‘’Yes, we are going to read today!’’ Brandon shouted, leaping a little. Stef smiled at her happy son. She knew how much he loved that piano. He seemed to really enjoy singing as well.  
  
‘’And then grandma’s coming! Don’t forget that! ’’ Stef added, to give Brandon a better start of the day than she’d had herself. He was more than happy that his grandma would be the one to pick him up today. Sharon had a way of always feeding him his favorite candy, take him to new parks and simply make him unwilling to return home. She was extremely good with him, almost making Stef feel like a bad mother because she couldn't compare.   
\--  
  
As Stef and Brandon entered the school, Lena’s heart jumped. She saw a slender, police officer with toned arms: a blonde cop with a little boy next to her. _What was Stef doing here?_ Lena stopped instantly. She looked around, trying to find a mirror to quickly glance at, but no luck came her way. Lena stood still, staring incessantly at Stef and her uniform from a far. Stef looked so good in it and Lena felt enchanted. Without her active consent, her eyes moved over to the boy next to her, Brandon, and she immediately remembered why Stef was here. _She has a son at Anchor Beach._  
  
Lena understood that Stef hadn’t noticed her yet, and she now had a decision to make; either she was going to keep on walking in the same direction and naturally walk into Stef, greet her, look at her eyes and say good morning to Brandon, or she could turn around right now. She could walk away and not have to face her right now. Fortunately enough, Lena was spared the trouble of deciding, for before her now stood both Stef and her son. Apparently, time flies when you look at a blonde cop in uniform.

‘’Ms. Adams,’’ Stef breathed out, her eyes widening and her lips parting.  
  
‘’Good morning Ms. Adams!’’ Brandon exclaimed and shook his mother’s arm playfully. Lena looked down at the little guy standing in front of her. Brandon was undeniably charming.  
  
‘’Good morning Brandon. Did you get a good night’s sleep last night?’’ she asked and smiled. She could feel Stef’s eyes wander over her body. Lena was, after all, happy with her choice of clothing for the day. Somewhere back in her head, she knew there was a slight possibility she’d run into Stef. With her beige, somewhat airy, suit pants and the white blouse, she felt sophisticated and attractive. Her hair was in a good mood today too and it smelled of shampoo.

‘’Yes.’’ Brandon answered shortly. His mother was staring at Ms. Adams. She smelled so good. Stef wanted to reach out and touch her hair, feel the soft curls between her fingers. She was drawn to Lena. She could imagine herself being with her for a long, long time. She didn’t want to admit it, but somehow her mind seemed to be able to picture her with Lena for the rest of her life. _But with kids?_ The picture of her, Lena and kids suddenly felt very extraneous. Was it even a possibility?  
  
‘’We must get going,’’ Stef said, glancing down at her watch, desperate to stop herself from thinking about the woman in front of her, ‘’your class starts in just a few minutes, B!’’ she tugged easily at his hand. It was right before 9AM.  
  
Students and their parents passed Lena, Stef and Brandon, who were standing in the middle of the corridor. All eyes were drawn to the woman in the uniform. Lena could hear them whispering, _‘wow look at that police woman!’_ She looked at Stef, who was also starting to realize what was going on. She finally met Lena’s eyes. Lena felt like melting. Stef had the most piercing, blue eyes she’d ever seen. She didn’t remember them ever having shone this brightly before.  
  
‘’Look mom! That’s Kyle!'’ Brandon said let go of his mother’s hand. ‘’Can I go to him, mom? He’s going to play music too!’’ Lena’s gaze moved to Brandon. She needed to say something. She needed Stef to stay, just for a little while. She realized she was actually desperate to get Stef alone, so, trusting in her knowledge about the school and all the classrooms, she spoke up.

‘’I happen to know Brandon’s classmates are all in the classroom next to Kyle over there.’’ She turned around and pointed at a classroom right behind them. She turned back. _Come on, Stef,_ she thought. _Let him go by himself._  
  
‘’Okay, sweetie, run off.’’ Stef said and bent down to kiss her son’s forehead.  
  
‘’See you tonight mommy!’’ he said and turned around. Lena had been right, and Brandon’s teacher welcomed him as he arrived just a few meters away from them.  
  
Lena and Stef’s’ eyes met again. ‘’Hi.’’ Stef said, feeling the anxiety starting to build up again. But looking at Lena, she wasn't only anxious. She was anxious, indeed, but also nervous and filled with butterflies. She swallowed hard. She was so ambivalent. She wanted Lena, but wasn't sure of ‘’the homosexual’’. She couldn’t possibly go down that road. _Right?_  
  
‘’Hi, Stef.’’ Lena said and with her soothing voice, Stef felt calmer. Lena had that effect on her. It was as if the very moment a word escaped her lips, even just the tiniest little sound, it made her feel better. It made her feel warm. ‘’On your way to work?’’ she asked, hinting at the outfit. Stef wearing a uniform could be the single most intriguing thing Lena had ever seen in her life. Stef glanced down at her uniform and laughed.  
  
‘’Not yet. I’m just not gonna spend gas on going back home to change,’’ Stef cast a quick glance at the kids staring at her. She looked back at Lena, ‘’although now when I think about it, it might have been a bad idea not to leave the uniform at home.’’  
  
‘’I don’t agree.’’ she said, her look intensifying. Lena was flirting in public, in the middle of the school corridor. She just couldn’t help herself. Stef looked amazing, even more now that she was blushing. Lena wasn’t even sure she knew it herself. How could she not let her know?

‘’I, uh,’’ Stef didn’t know how to accept the compliment, ‘’could we talk?’’ she asked modestly, lowering the volume. ‘’In your office, maybe?’’  
  
Lena’s reaction clearly showed on her face, as she wasn’t a master at hiding her emotions. She did try to suppress the sense of fear, because she couldn’t say no. She couldn’t avoid talking to Stef about this. They needed to figure it out, for both their sakes. ‘’Sure.’’ Lena said, looking into her eyes again. ‘’Well, umm,’’ she said and recalled her first meeting with Stef, fearing this would be their last, ‘’follow me.’’ Her stomach turned and she walked towards her office with Stef following her close behind.

 


	13. Guiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the day after their visit at Vicky's bar.

_She let her arm rest carefully over the other woman’s. It was obvious Stef was a cop. She had the body for it and she felt so strong against Lena’s tall, skinny figure. She slowly pressed herself closer to Stef's back without the intention or want of waking her up, still, she couldn’t stop herself from running her fingers through the blonde’s hair and gently, tenderly, caress her cheek. Stef flinched at the touch and began stretching out. Lena put her lips against her neck and held them there as she kissed her on the same spot, again and again._

_‘’Good morning, sleepy head,’’ Lena said, moving her lips away from her neck, ‘’I’m sorry I woke you.’’ Stef tiredly brought Lena’s fingers to her mouth to kiss them. She still hadn’t opened her eyes. Lena smiled and rested her chin against Stef’s shoulder._  
  
 _‘’I don’t want to leave this bed,’’ Stef stated in her morning voice before pulling Lena’s arm over her again, ‘’it’s so warm and cozy.’’ she lied. Of course the bed was warm, but so was every other bed. She was reluctant to leave primarily because she did not want to leave Lena’s side. She didn’t want to leave the bed, because that meant facing the day and facing her bitter reality. All she wanted was to be right where Lena was. There was no place she’d rather be._  
  
 _‘’Who says we have to?’’ Lena teased. Who would have thought that the assistant vice principal could be so playful? Stef thought. ‘’And by the way, I made you a promise which I am intending to keep.’’ She kissed her neck again before Stef turned around, putting her arms around Lena._  
  
 _‘’I guess falling asleep wasn’t really a part of the plan, huh.’’ Stef said, laughing. Her laugh was beautiful, Lena thought. And her face was truly a sight for sour eyes, she thought again. Stef’s laugh faded out as she met Lena’s eyes for the first time this morning. Stef’s head grew hot and her heart beat at an irregular pace. These feelings couldn’t be healthy for anyone. How do people live their lives feeling like this? It’s consuming. And amazing. Lena was absolutely breathtaking._  
  
 _‘’Can I kiss you?’’ Lena asked. If this were yesterday, she wouldn’t have asked. But this was a new day, and no alcohol was involved; no La Tense Sassella wine and nothing from Vicky’s bar. It was just the two of them, with their pure hearts and clear intentions. Stef had a choice, and so did Lena. Free will was a privilege they were lucky enough to have. Stef wondered; why would Lena ask permission before kissing me? Did it not read on my face, that she could do anything to me?_  
  
 _‘’Yes, you can kiss me.’’ Stef whispered. She wasn’t given the opportunity to change her mind, not that she would, because the same second she had finished her sentence, Lena’s lips were pressed onto her own. Stef grabbed Lena’s face as Lena parted her lips more, giving Stef the full access she was longing for. She straddled Lena, pulled the covers over both their bodies and began kissing her from the neck and down the upper body. Hearing Lena hold her breath in excitement made Stef feel something she’d never experienced before. She’d never before been excited, any less turned on by the thought of pleasing someone else. She felt something inside of her awake and she could feel pulsation between her legs._  
  
 _‘’Stef, I do not want to pressure you into doing something,’’ Lena exhaled, ‘’you can stop if yo-‘’ Stef placed her hand over Lena’s mouth and continued kissing her, creating a circle of kisses around her belly button. As she moved down, Stef suddenly began feeling flustered. She had no idea how to do this. What if she would be terrible at it? Would that be a good or a bad thing? Would that be a sign from the Gods that this was, in fact, terribly wrong? Maybe she should’ve never followed Lena home yesterday. What was she thinking?_  
  
 _‘’Are you okay?’’ Lena asked, feeling the sudden miss of action. ‘’You don’t have to do this.’’ Lena felt worried. She hope Stef didn’t feel pressured. But she was craving her touch._  
  
 _‘’I'm not sure how to do this.’’ Stef said, almost ashamed of her lack of knowledge. She felt insecure and she didn’t want to meet Lena’s eyes, whereas Lena felt laughter building up inside of her. Stef, the cop. Stef, the nervous, cute cop. Lena’s whole face turned into a big smile._  
  
 _‘’Oh, Stef!’’ she exclaimed, quickly followed by a giggle. ‘’There are about a million ways to please a woman, but you don’t have to do this.’’ Stef felt regretful. The thought of pleasing Lena was one she wouldn’t let go of, and she wanted nothing but to do just that. She had to._  
  
 _‘’But I want to.’’ She said, with a surprisingly certain tone. Lena remained smiling as she watched Stef. Stef was staring down at her body._  
  
 _‘’You want to?’’_  
  
 _Stef finally raised her head and had her eyes search for Lena’s, finding them with out complication. ‘’I do.’’_  
  
 _‘’Then don’t worry,’’ Lena took a breath, ‘’just, you know, keep doing what you were doing and then I’ll guide you as you go.’’ Stef laughed at Lena. Guide her? She felt like a little kid!_  
  
 _‘’Or, you could just…’’ Lena bit her lip, stroke a hand over Stef’s thigh straddled above her and then took her hand. ‘’Come lay next to me.’’ Stef’s cheeks shifted in red as she moved off the woman underneath her to lie next to her instead. Did she not want this anymore? Stef thought. Lena looked at her, still holding her hand. She moved her head to rest against Stef’s shoulder. Suddenly, she pulled Stef’s hand closer, in under the covers and brought it to her breast. Holding her own hand over Stef’s, she caressed it. Stef could hardly breathe. Her fingers were so sensitive and Lena's breast so soft. Stef felt like one slight touch on the right spot would make her entire body explode. Lena moved her head and kissed Stef’s cheek._  
  
 _‘’You still want this?’’ she whispered in her ear, slightly worried Stef would have changed her mind. The truth was, Stef wasn’t entirely sure what she was agreeing to. Yet, she nodded. Lena slowly moved their hands down her stomach, Stef simultaneously realizing Lena’s idea. She was literally going to walk her through this. She was going to show her and guide her with her own hand._  
  
 _Reaching the destination of their journey down Lena’s body, nothing was stopping their joint hands from touching her completely. Stef had to remind herself to breathe. Lena was so incredibly soft. It was like touching something she’d thirsted after longer than she’d ever even realized. Lena’s body was hot, her stomach burning and her ears filling with sound. She swallowed, took a breath and moved Stef’s hand even lower. Catching her breath, she whispered, ‘’touch me here.’’_


	14. Quivering lips and damp cheeks

Being with Stef in her office made it feel like she was reliving the past. She remembered the first time Stef was there, when they agreed on different things concerning Brandon. She remembered how Stef had lingered in the door before taking off, just because she wanted to ask the same questions Lena had already answered multiple times. She remembered sitting there, left with nothing but the gust of wind and the sweet, unique fragrance of Stef. 

‘’You can sit down, if you’d like.’’ Lena suggested, pointing at the chair in front of the desk. She hadn’t imagined their ''talk'' to be this formal, but seeing it as they were in her office, it was hard to avoid. Lena sat down behind the desk.  
  
‘’Are you sure you’re not too busy, Lena?’’ Stef asked as she sat down. Even though she had already planned what she was going to say, her heart was pounding fast and she had begun fidget on her chair. She was planning on telling Lena that she was supportive of gay people, but that she could not be one, gay, herself. It was not right for her to be with Lena, and everything she had done had been out of confusion. She needed to inform Lena of this, but an unfamiliar feeling of trepidation was distracting her. She cleared her throat, ‘’we could do this another time.’’ she said. Lena looked at her with a troubled face. Stef realized she could no longer tell right from wrong, or up from down.  
  
‘’No, Stef,’’ Lena said, raising one eyebrow, ‘’I think I’d like to do this now.’’ Lena had to remember herself of her self-worth. She had always been too kind for her own good. Unfortunately, having a big heart would get you in trouble. A lot of people had taken advantage of that and stepped on her during her days, diminishing her into only small pieces of what she really was. Today was different. Lena knew her own worth. She needed clarity. She needed answers. She needed ''a talk''.  
  
Stef took a deep breath as she tried to remember the lines she’d thought of. ‘’I thought I knew what I wanted to say to you,’’ she looked up at the woman behind the desk. Seeing Lena’s face; her beautifully shaped face with high cheekbones, narrow, yet big and clear chestnut brown eyes moving up and down in anticipation and wait, she was all of a sudden feeling terribly hesitant. Lena’s full, curly hair fell graciously down to her shoulders and again, Stef wanted nothing else but to touch it. It was becoming a habit of hers; wanting to touch Lena’s curls. ‘’I don’t know if this, you and I, is a good idea, Lena.’’  
  
Lena was completely frozen in her chair. She stared down at the desk. She swallowed twice, trying to regain her usual brain capacity, trying to bring herself back to a normal state of mind. She had promised herself to let people in again, regardless of her history with Gretchen. It had been awfully hard and now, this would happen again. Somehow, this time, it was even worse, and Lena did not comprehend why. She hadn’t been seeing Stef longer than Gretchen, not at all. She hadn’t been romantically involved with this woman for long, but still, an inexpressible feeling of sadness weighed over her like a ton of stones. At the same time, she was beginning to get upset with herself _. Of course this would happen,_ Lena thought.  _Stef is married. It was her own choice to get involved with a married woman and one simply does not do that. If one decides to walk down that road, the consequences following are completely up to oneself to deal with alone. Nothing else was fair._  She blinked twice, an act of which was needed in order for her to keep her eyes from filling with tears.  
  
‘’I am so stupid,’’ Lena blurted out, ‘’I knew better than this.’’ She wasn’t talking directly to Stef; she was talking out loud to herself. She looked up at Stef, the angel-like, blonde cop in front of her. With her sun-bleached hair in a strict and tight bun, Stef’s facial features came out in the full measure of their beauty. She had a very defined facial structure, and Lena was amazed by it. Her lips were roughly pressed together, fearing that the next sentence coming out of Lena’s mouth would be rough.  
  
‘’I should’ve stopped this before,’’ Lena said, ‘’you’re married.’’ As Lena realized what she was saying, she felt hurt. _How could this be?_ _Why was this woman; the amazing, wonderful, sweet, delicious, kind woman, not available?_ Lena’s mood changed. She stopped beating herself up and pointed her accusations towards Stef's intentions instead.  _Why had Stef done this to her?_  
  
‘’Stef, do you realize how hurtful it is,’’ Lena paused to find courage, ‘’when straight women go around playing with our feelings for experimentation?’’ Lena wanted to throw up at the last word. She hated it. _Had she only been an experiment to Stef? If so, why had it felt so real? Why had it felt like the most honest relationship she had ever had?_  
  
Stef's face crinkled in confusion and regret. ‘’I, I didn’t,’’ Stef shook her head, her eyes widening and her lips twitching as she made an attempt to speak, but no words would come out. She was furious at herself. _How could she have put herself and Lena in this situation?_ An unsettling feeling began welling inside of her, filling her with emptiness, shame and regret. _Why was this so hard?_  She wanted Lena! She loved Lena! It should be so simple! It was love and it shouldn’t have to be more complicated than that. But Lena was a woman. And that was the problem. 

‘’You didn’t what?'' Lena snorted, her hands flying up in the air to gesture frustration and question, ''expect this to happen?’’ Lena was getting more upset by the second. ‘’Well, neither did I, Stef. But it did.’’ Stef didn’t know how to respond. She wanted to flee; she wanted to hide because she was so ashamed of herself. The honest truth was, Stef knew exactly what she wanted. She was absolutely certain of what she felt – she just wasn’t allowed to feel it. She didn’t love Mike, at least not the way she loved Lena. She had never looked at any man the way she looked at Lena. Stef knew. She knew she had never been wholeheartedly committed to Mike, not to any man, but nonetheless, she had married one. Nonetheless, she was telling the woman whom she loved, that she did not know if this was a good idea. And for what? _Because it was wrong. That was what she had been taught._

Lena scrunched her eyebrows together, slightly tipping her head to the side, waiting for her to say something. She waited, still holding on, but Stef remained silent. Lena gave up and opened the laptop in front of her, ‘’I have to work, Stef.’’ She glanced at the clock on the wall and then looked back at Stef. She watched as her lips began to slightly quiver. Lena understood Stef was trying hard to keep herself together, and so was she. Stef could not stay in her office any longer, not if she was going to break down. Lena would not be able to see Stef in tears without wanting to hold her, sooth her, and she would most definitely tear up with her. ‘’You need to leave.’’ Lena was determined. She could not have her be in here another minute.  
  
Stef stood up, still lacking the ability to speak. Her body felt weak and she could feel a growing hole inside of her, craving to be filled with Lena and her love, but it was empty. She was empty, and she felt as though smiling was impossible. Walking out of Lena’s office, she could feel the dampness of her warm cheek as she placed the back of her fingers on it. Stef hadn’t even noticed she was crying. But she was. The tears rolled down her cheeks, one by one, and Stef didn’t know how to make it stop. All she knew was the terrible pain and hurt in her chest.  
It was the only thing she could feel.


	15. Saved by Captain Roberts

‘’Stef, calm down.’’ said Captain Roberts, Stef’s boss and superior at the police office. In front of Captain Roberts sat her great co-worker, who didn’t at all look the same as she had last week. ‘’Stef, what’s wrong?’’ she asked, her eyes settled on Stef who had just cursed unusually loud at the new case she had been assigned. It was nothing like Stef, she would always keep everything very professional and not let her personal feelings interfere with her job performance. Stef met her gaze. Her eyes, somewhat red and puffy, looked sadder than Captain Roberts had seen before. Her eyebrows raised in surprise.

‘’I’m fine.’’ Stef said, quickly shaking her head from one side to the other. She broke Captain Robert’s gaze. ‘’I’m sorry I was acting unprofessionally.’’ Captain Roberts walked closer to Stef where she was sitting behind her desk. Stef and Roberts had been friends for a long time and over the years they’d both relied on each other in a lot of situations. They had grown close and Stef had always felt comfortable and safe around her, yet always having been aware of the fact that they needed to keep certain things at work while other things could only be talked about off hours.  
  
’’Well, no offense, Stef, but you don’t look fine.’’ she said. Captain Roberts was always very fast-forward. She would never tiptoe around things or be long to answer; she was bluntly outspoken and candid. ‘’Can I sit for a moment?’’ she asked.

‘’Of course,’’ Stef responded, ‘’take a seat.’’ It was past lunchtime but as Stef had no appetite, she’d been sitting in the same spot ever since she arrived at the office.  
  
‘’How are you and Mike doing?’’ Roberts asked, crossing her legs. Stef looked back at her with vacant eyes. _Her_ _and Mike?_ Stef could not do anything else but let out a short, sarcastic laugh. It wasn’t intended to be in any way offensive, but she did not know in which other way to react. She no longer cared for Mike romantically. There was no Mike and Stef. All that was on her mind was Lena and Lena’s face. Her mind was full of memories of Lena’s smile, Lena’s laughter and the goose bumps left on her skin after Lena’s touch. The hole inside of her was screaming for Lena and the mere thought of Mike, or anyone else, made her angry. ‘’Stef?’’ Roberts asked.  
  
Stef couldn’t stand it anymore. She’d had enough and she couldn’t stand not being honest with herself. This is not who she was. She was an honorable woman who spoke the truth and who did not back at a fight for something important. The hours she’d spent thinking of Lena today, the hours her thoughts had been wandering back and forth about her and a possible future with Lena gave her the final push to gather her energies and put it to words, and so she did, in a blunt sentence. ‘’I am in love with a woman’’.  
\--  
  
Lena fumbled and struggled with getting the keys from her bag. As she got a hold of them, she stepped inside the car and quickly started the vehicle. She pulled out from the parking lot and headed straight home. She’d promised to be back at the school in an hour, and she was hoping she would be. Lena switched on the radio and turned up the volume. Music had a way of calming her down at times.  
  
Pulling up at her driveway, she parked the car and leaned back against the seat. _Get out of the car, Lena,_ she thought. She needed to get inside. She needed to get rid of the dull yet pulsing throb in her head, the low hum of light pain that was preventing her from focusing and clouding her thoughts. Lena stepped out of the car and went inside her house. Opening the bathroom door, she felt dizzy.  
  
She searched the white mirror cabinet for aspirin or some other painkiller, but to her unpleasant surprise, she couldn’t find more than hair-gel and moisturizing lotions. She bent down to look inside the cabinet beneath the sink and she finally found what she’d been searching for. Placing two pills on her tongue, she tilted her head back and swallowed. She leaned forward again, this time to take a sip of water from the faucet. Lena shut her eyes in anguish before standing up straight in front of the mirror. Her eyes fluttered open and she was faced with the reflection of herself. Her usually brown, happy eyes were now dark and inanimate. She looked almost unrecognizable. She brought both her hands to her face and rubbed her eyes. Looking back at the mirror, the expression in her eyes had not changed. Her heart was raising.

She turned around, walking towards the bathroom opening to shut the lights off. As the room turned dark, she shut the door and leaned against it. With a hand on her chest, she took a breath. As she slid down the door, she finally allowed herself to feel everything she’d tried to suppress before getting home. Feelings of loss and regret consumed her. Wrinkling her forehead and feeling her eyebrows scrunch together in pain; the first tear escaped her eye and she quickly wiped it away, but in total vain. The tears kept falling and she had not enough strength to force herself to stop. Sitting on the bathroom floor, Lena sobbed. Pulling her knees towards her chest, she placed her hands on them and carefully let her face rest in the palm of her hands _. I feel like a baby,_ Lena admitted to herself, _but I just want to be with her._  
\--  
  
‘’Are you sure?’’ was everything Captain Roberts could come up with. If Stef knew her well enough, which she did, she knew Roberts was not to be prejudice or discouraging when Stef’s happiness was on the line. Stef nodded.

‘’I felt it from the first time I saw her,’’ Stef said as she struggled to repress a sob, ‘’and now I’m not sure if I can get her back.’’   
  
‘’Does Mike know anything about this?’’

‘’No. He is clueless,’’ Stef sighed, ‘’because we are not speaking to each other about other things besides Brandon.’’  
  
‘’And do you want to divorce him?’’ Captain Roberts asked, her gaze not giving way for a second. This was the type of woman she was: strong and definitive. Unlike the other times Stef had thought about this, she did no longer feel uncertain. After having felt what she felt in Lena's office, after having felt her heart ache so tremendously at the sight of Lena upset, she knew this was the only right thing. She no longer wanted a life with Mike. She wanted a life with Lena. She wanted to be with Lena, see her eyes light up at her jokes, nuzzle against her in bed, hold her hand and kiss her soft lips. The right thing here wasn't to walk away from a woman you loved. That was wrong.  
  
‘’I don't want to be his wife anymore.’’ Stef said with a clear tone. She cleared her throat and no longer felt the need to repress sobs. She shifted in her chair and sat up, confidently. She was certain of what she wanted.  
  
‘’Then you have to start by telling him, Stef. You have to let him know.’’  
  
‘’I know,'' she answered, remembering Mike's face, ''and I think I can do that, but the hardest part of this is gonna be my parents.’’ Her head fell down into her hands. She sighed loudly. ‘’My dad is such a firm believer in God and Christianity.’’ _He is the one who has made me believe everything too - made me believe that loving a woman is wrong._

‘’Stef,’’ Roberts said and reached out to touch her arm. She looked up. ‘’You need to do this for you. You are a grown woman,'' her eyes were clear, ''you can do this.’’ Stef held her gaze for a minute, before sensing a smile play over her lips. It grew bigger and Stef was almost at the verge of laughing. She was coming to terms with her being in love with a woman. A strange sense of calm washed over her. She couldn’t believe she had just told Roberts.  
  
‘’Thank you so much,’’ Stef started, ‘’I can’t explain….’’  
  
‘’Stef, don’t you have somewhere to be?’’ Roberts said, smiling, ‘’for everything you’ve done for me in the past, I’ll make sure someone takes your place here today.’’ Stef smiled gratefully at Roberts. She knew now what she had to do. She needed to live her life. _She needed to be free._


	16. ''I think always''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recognizing some of the words? Hint: flashback scene from Vigil, 1x09!

Mike smiled gently and stood up as he saw his wife walking towards him. When Stef had called saying there was something she needed to speak to him about, he seemed to have been happy. She had sounded positive, mostly due to the fact that she had finally come to realization with who she was. _Mike must have mistaken my positive tone for being pointed at him,_ Stef thought, as Mike leaned in and tried to place a peck on her lips. She quickly, almost as if it was rehearsed, turned her head away and nearly put her hand on his arm to create distance between them. His lips were only briefly allowed to touch her cheek.  
  
‘’Sorry I’m late.’’ Stef said as she sat down and hung her white bag with a brown stripe over the chair. With a tense expression on face, she looked at Mike.  
  
‘’Look, the separation has been good.’’ Mike started, looking calm. _Where was he getting this from,_ Stef thought _, and good for whom?_ ‘’I mean, bad,’’ Mike continued and laughed briefly, ‘’but good.’’ Stef slightly nodded. Mike shifted in his chair. ‘’It’s made me realized that I have not been present in our marriage for a while,’’ he shook his head in regret, ‘’and I’m sorry.’’ His hands fanned over the cup of coffee he had ordered, ‘’our family is everything to me, Stef.’’ Stef’s eyes flickered for a second and she quickly looked up and down. Her pulse was raising and her lungs were filled with thick, thick air. ‘’I’m gonna spend more time with you and Brandon.’’ Mike said. Stef didn’t know what to do. She tried to inhale, tried to focus, but he was just continuing to talk. _He couldn’t say these things_ , she thought. _This wasn’t the truth, and she had certainly not gone through all of this to stop because of his promises._ ‘’I’m gonna communicate,’’ he smiled, ‘’hell, I’ll even go to counseling!’’ His hands rose in a gesture of surrender, ‘’I just, I love you.’’  
  
Stef took a deep breath. She needed to tell him, needed to let him now. ‘’Counseling can’t fix what’s wrong with us, Mike.’’ she said, blinking slowly.  
  
Mike’s faced turned in confusion. ‘’I thought that’s what you wanted?’’ Stef let out a loud sigh and her shoulders dropped a bit. _How on earth was she going to break this to him gently?_  
  
‘’You’re a good man,’’ Stef said. She needed to be honest, but her heart was breaking for Mike. Before the drinking, he had been so good with Brandon. There was a time when he had been so good with her too, and she needed to give him credit for that, ‘’and you’re a really good dad,’’ she took a breath, ‘’but I haven’t been happy.’’ With her hand placed on her knee, she moved it slightly to comfort herself. Anyone could read on her face that she was struggling intensely.  
  
‘’Yeah,’’ Mike blurted out, shifting in frustration, ‘’lately, me neither!’’ He moved forward again, placing his hands back on the coffee cup. He looked around and then back at her, ‘’but things were good before, Stef.’’ Stef immediately shook her head.  
  
‘’Because I tried to make them good.’’ she answered, remembering how much she had put up with and how horrible she had felt at times. Living a life with a man you don’t love could truly be awful. She licked her lips nervously, glanced down at the table and sighed again. Quickly closing her eyes in angst and gathering courage, she went on – ‘’but,’’ she breathed out in struggle, ‘’but something was missing because I was not able to love you the way you loved me.’’ Her eyes were burning as she continued closing and opening them. Mike’s eyebrows rose. He looked like a question mark.  
  
‘’I don’t understand,’’ he said, ‘’why not?’’  
  
 _It was now or never,_ Stef thought. She couldn’t keep it in anymore; it would not do anyone any good. She needed to her life for her. She needed move on with her life; she needed to live it with someone she loved for real. She swallowed quickly, hearing Captain Roberts words echo in the back of her head. ‘‘Because I am gay,’’ she said, nodding to confirm it to herself, ‘’I’m a lesbian.’’ It was the first time she used the term lesbian. It felt odd and new on her tongue, but it was nothing she frowned upon. Mike eyes distended and he stared at her in disbelief. His mouth unconsciously twitched before beginning to close again, after having gaped open. ‘’And I am so sorry,’’ Stef took another breath, ‘’for you and for me, for…’’ she looked up and shook her head. She wasn’t sorry she had fallen in love with a woman. She wasn’t sorry she had finally realized she was gay, no, for she was sorry she had lived a lie and lived a life in denial. She blinked and looked at Mike again, ‘’for it taking so long to be able to say that and to accept,'' she had to grasp for air before finishing the sentence - ''before now.’' She had told him. Mike leaned back, still with the surprised look on his face.  
  
‘’Why now?’’ he asked. Stef glanced at him before again looking down at the table. She began thinking hard. _Did she tell him about Lena? Was it going to be too much for him, if he found out that she had already found someone new?_ She looked up at him, letting her tongue move over her bottom lip. _She wanted to tell him._

‘’Because I met someone.’' Her eyes were settled on him. Mike blinked, his eyes vacant, slowly nodding his head. An unbearable weight had been lifted off her shoulders.  
  
‘’How long?’’ he asked.  
  
‘’How long what?’’ Stef was slowly regaining her courage and strength. _She was out_.  
  
‘’How long have you been gay?’’ Stef frowned at the question. _How long had she been gay?_   Well, probably her entire life. It had all started with Tess, her best friend whom she got extremely close with when they were 16. Though, it wasn’t until now, until Lena, that she’d let herself act on it.  
  
‘’I think,’’ Stef scratched herself quickly on the ear, ‘’I think always.’’ Mike nodded again. He clasped his hands and swallowed.  
  
‘’Well, are we divorcing?’’ he asked. Stef couldn’t help but smile at him. He was a good man, after all. She could tell he was hurting, but somehow it seemed as though he loved her much enough to try to understand.  
  
‘’Yeah, Mike,’’ she said in an explanatory tone, her eyebrows raising and blinking with compassion, ‘’yes, we are.’’ She looked at him, trying to search his eyes for some kind of reaction. ‘’Are you mad?’’ she asked. She felt stupid for asking, but she wanted to know.  
  
‘’I’m not mad, Stef,’’ he started, ‘’but I love you. I thought we could make it work.’’  
  
‘’We can’t, Mike. I can’t.’’ She felt better. He knew now, and he was not mad. He was hurt, indeed, but time would heal his wounds. At least, that’s what Stef believed.  
  
‘’Well..’’ he thought about something, ‘’alright.’’ He brought the cup of coffee to his mouth and drank it all at an instance. It had gotten cold. ‘’I better go.’’  
  
‘’Are you sure?’’ Stef asked, her eyes widening.  
  
‘’Yeah, I’m sure. I gotta go work.’’ She looked at him as he stood up and waved at the waitress.

‘’I can pay for your coffee, Mike. It’s alright.’’  
  
‘’I’ll pay for my own coffee.’’ Mike said in a somewhat harsher tone. He looked hurt. ‘’Pick Brandon up Friday?’’  
  
Stef smiled at him friendly. _Brandon._ She wasn’t sure if the thought of their son having a lesbian mother frightened Mike. ‘’Absolutely. Same time as last week?’’ she asked and stood up herself. Her stomach let out a loud rumble. She remembered she hadn’t eaten since breakfast.  
  
‘’I’ll head off now. Take care, Stef.’’ Mike said after having given the waitress money for the coffee and included some tips. He walked away.  
  
‘’Bye!’’ Stef shouted after him. She grabbed her bag and took the deepest breath she’d taken in what felt like forever. As she breathed out, she felt the need to pinch herself in the arm. _Had she really just done this?_ She smiled. For some reason, she felt so satisfied. She was out to Mike. _She was out._  
\--  
  
‘’You’re lucky to have a friend like me,’’ Kelly said, the corners of her mouth perking up as she placed two plates on Lena’s dining table. Kelly had bought take-away pasta from a restaurant down town when she heard what had happened between Lena and Stef at her office. Lena forced a smile and nodded.  
  
‘’I am indeed.’’ she said and put two glasses and a set of cutlery for them both on the table. ‘’I’m going to get us a bag-in-box, do we want white or red?’’  
  
‘’Well, it’s vegetable pasta so, I guess white?’’ Kelly served them both pasta as Lena went to get the wine. When she came back, she sank down on the chair and sighed.  
  
‘’Hungry?’’ Kelly asked carefully. Lena really was not a master at hiding her emotions. Disappointment and uneasiness showed on her face, as her forehead seemed to have frozen in a wrinkled expression and her lips pouting.  
  
‘’Not very,’’ she responded shortly and put a napkin in her lap, ‘’but you have to eat, right.’’ Kelly followed Lena’s lead and placed a napkin in her lap as well.  
  
‘’Lena, I’m sorry for what’s happened.’’ she said, cautious not to be too pushy. ‘’But you’ll get through it. You hadn’t seen her for long, so it will definitely be easier than it was with Gretchen.’’ Kelly sounded convinced. Lena, on the other hand, was not.  
  
‘’Stef is nothing like Gretchen,’’ she said. ‘’I don’t know how I’ll move on.’’ Lena’s tone was nothing but blue, ‘’I don’t know what I was thinking, going after a married woman.’’ She took the cutlery in her hands, spun pasta around her fork and took a bite. Kelly was already chewing on her food.  
  
‘’Sometimes,’’ Kelly filled her glas with wine, ‘’sometimes you just have to go through stuff to learn. And I’m certain you will find someone else, soon.’’  
  
‘’Yeah. Probably.’’ Lena said, still pondering the possibility of moving on. _The only one who had lost something in this situation was herself,_ she thought. Stef still had someone who loved her. Mike was still by her side. The only one who had lost something was Lena, because Stef had completely stolen her heart. Lena took a bite, but the food just grew in her mouth. Dissatisfied with the taste and the consistence, her face frowned and her mouth opened in disgust.  
  
‘’Lena, are you okay?’’ asked Kelly and looked at Lena.  
  
‘’I feel nauseas,’’ she wiped her mouth, ‘’I can’t eat.’’ Kelly looked at her with a tormented facial expression. Lena thought of Stef and how she was nothing alike Gretchen. Gretchen was ruthless and had a way of bringing Lena down, while Stef was the sweetest woman she’d ever met. Never had anyone felt so true and honest, as Stef had. Never had she wanted anyone more than she wanted Stef.  
  
‘’You should eat though. The nausea could go away if you do.’’ Kelly tried to make Lena stay, but at this point, Lena had already made up her mind.  
  
‘’I’m going to bed,’’ Lena said, ‘’my keys are in the kitchen so please just lock up when you leave.'' She stood up and filled the glas with wine all up to the edges. ''You can slide the keys back in through the letterbox.’’ Kelly didn’t want to argue with her. She knew when it was time to leave Lena alone, and this was one of those times. She knew Lena had lived through a rough day.  
  
Lena slowly walked up the stairs, her movement was languid and her body heavy. She wanted nothing else than to fall asleep and wake up tomorrow, knowing none of this had ever happened.

 


	17. Father and daughter

‘’Lena!’’ Stewart shouted as he embraced his daughter. Lena’s father was in town and he was taking her out to lunch. It had been a several weeks since they last saw each other, so a lot of catching up was needed. ‘’How is my beautiful daughter?’’ he asked gleefully before pulling away to look at her. His fingers were fanning over her cheek. Lena, with a somewhat bleak face, tried to smiled at him.  
  
‘’I’m good dad. How are you?’’ she asked as her father placed his hand on her back, leading them to a table inside of the restaurant. The restaurant was small but fancy. The tables were covered in white tablecloths and there were only a few other guests there. Big, wide windows made the place shine brightly and made Lena feel easier about her headache that was still bugging her through a dull and pulsing throb.  
  
‘’I am absolutely fantastic!’’ he exclaimed, ‘’and so happy to see my beautiful daughter in the flesh!’’ They sat down, facing each other, and Lena took the menu in her hands. She wanted to cheer and be happy to see her father, which she was, but not as happy as she could’ve been. ‘’Is everything good at work?’’’ he asked. Lena, reading through the menu, answered without meeting her father’s eyes.  
  
‘’It’s good.’’ _Salad, chicken or salmon,_ Lena thought. _Maybe a salmon salad?_ Her eyes rose from the menu. ‘‘Have you decided on what to get?’’ she asked. Stewart’s one eyebrow arched and he clasped his hands, lowering his head a little. Lena was always chatty and happy, more than willing to converse about anything. She was sweet in that way, her need to always be of service to others, pleasing them and making sure she didn’t let them down. But today, something was off. There was another vibe to her, and Stewart didn't seem to be able to quite figure out what was different.  
  
‘’I’ll have the chicken. It was perfect the last time your mother and I were here.’’  
  
‘’How is she?’’ Lena thought about Dana. She felt quite relieved she hadn’t come today, because she was never afraid to push Lena’s buttons to get some answers out of her. Their relationship was pretty tense, but still loving. Lena had a hard time figuring her mother out, as her mother had with her.  
  
‘’Dana is good,’’ Stewart said, ‘’though she is awfully busy with work right now. I doubt she will ever retire, even when the time comes.’’ He laughed and grabbed Lena’s menu. He placed it on top of his own and raised his hand to wave at the waiter.  
  
When they had ordered, Lena took a sip of water. ‘’Mom’s always been a hard working woman. It’s one of the things I admire about her.’’ Lena’s father watched her happily. Lena tapped her fingers at the back of her hand, thinking of Dana.  
  
‘’Definitely,’’ he said, ‘’but it was hard when you were younger. Maybe you have forgotten.’’ He tried not to sound regretful, but the tone pushed through anyway. _Of course she remembered._ She knew her mother had had to work harder than a lot of the other women in her field, and that it had really torn on the family with her being distant, but somehow, she couldn’t blame her. It had affected their relationship, for sure, because she was much closer to her father than to her mother. She nodded in agreement and took the hair scrunchie that was placed around her wrist to put her hair up in a bun.  
  
Her father’s tone changed and he figured Lena didn't want to talk more about Dana, ‘’do you remember when you brought your first girlfriend home? Emily, was it?’’ Stewart looked proud. As the open and non-judgmental man he was, he had been proud and happy when Lena brought another girl home for dinner for the first time and announcing they were dating. It had been a lucky day in his life, and he had never fretted at the thought of her living a life different from the norm and the majority of people. He had been concerned for a bit, for her safety, but that would all pass quickly.  
  
‘’Right, Emily!’’ Lena laughed with a crooked smile on her lips. Her father was still unaware that there had been a girl before Emily. Her name was Alicia. She was blonde, actually a real tomboy, who looked very hard on the outside but, to Lena’s pleasant surprise, had been extremely kind and soft underneath the surface. She was Lena’s first love, and they had been extremely close. _Alicia reminded her of someone else._  ‘’Emily was sweet.’’ Lena said.  
  
‘’Is there someone new in your life?’’ Stewart asked, a wide smile playing across his lips and his eyes flickering suddenly. Lena sighed internally. _Could she go one day without having to think about Stef?_  
  
‘’No.’’ she shortly responded, her eyes downcast. ‘’No one at the moment.’’ _Touch me here,_ she remembered telling Stef. _A little lower, Stef, please._ She missed Stef’s touch, missed her inexperienced fingers trail over her skin, tentatively touching her. She missed the morning they’d spent in bed after their evening out with Lena’s friends. She missed the kiss they had shared before Stef left her home to welcome Brandon. Spending an entire weekend with someone, finally getting to show them everything you’d kept inside for months, and then have them be snatched away from you, was unbelievable. Lena had to take a deep breath. She missed her.  
  
‘’I’m sorry to hear that. Hopefully someone will emerge soon enough,’’ her father told her convincingly, ‘’I am not sure how they wouldn’t.’’ Stewart saw the waiter walk towards them with plates in each hand. ‘’Oh, look!’’ he exclaimed happily. ‘’Time to eat!’’  
\--  
  
The next evening, Stef had invited her father, Frank, to come over and have dinner. Her initial plan was to tell him after they had dined. By that time, he would be warmed up; calm and relaxed, his thoughts maybe at a better place which would cause him to be more susceptible of the news, but when he arrived at her home she wanted nothing more than to get it over with immediately. She greeted him in the hall, took care of his jacket and followed him into the living room.  
  
‘’Where’s my little boy Brandon?’’ he asked, turning to Stef, before sitting down on the sofa. Stef glared at her father: the man who had thick blonde hair, shifting in grey and covering his big head. His long face was filled with wrinkles from age and hard work on the force. His green shirt made his brown eyes look a little bit bigger. She sat down next to him.  
  
‘’Brandon’s at Sharon’s house.’’ Her father frowned and shook his head.  
  
‘’That’s not good. I wanted to see him.’’  
  
‘’Yeah, well, Dad, I wanted to see you too. Without kids.’’ Stef said. The food was in the oven _, which was actually a bit amusing to think about_ , Stef thought. She didn’t exactly thrill at cooking, but tonight she’d made an effort and an attempt at making something other than meatballs and fish: pot-roast, her father’s favorite.  
  
‘’Has something happened?’’ he wondered. ‘’Is Mike finally moving back in?’’ Frank reached for the remote control. He turned on the TV as he waited for Stef to respond.  
  
‘’Umm, no,’’ she said and glanced at the TV, ‘’there should be at least one baseball game going on, on one of the ESPN channels.’’ Her father looked at her as Stef continued, ‘’I don’t know if it’s San Diego’s Padres, but at least it’s something.’’ She laughed anxiously.   
  
Frank let out an exasperated sigh, ’’Mike is not moving back in?’’ He shook his head once again as he tried to focus on Stef and the game he had just switched on at the same time.  
  
‘’No.’’ Stef answered and looked down. _Come on, Stef,_ she thought. _You can do this_. _He is your father. Who you love shouldn’t be an issue for him._  Stef could feel her body start quivering, trembling slightly. She wanted someone to give her the thumbs up, to send her some strength and to shake the words out of her. Her father moved his eyes away from the TV completely.  
  
‘’Why is Mike not moving back in?’’ Frank asked in an ill-tempered manner, ‘’you need him, you know.’’ Stef’s mouth opened in fascination with her father. He thought to know her so well, to know what she needed without even consulting her. His voice, that voice, stirred every recent feeling of dread she’d had. She was finally forming the courage to tell him, and she could feel it bubble inside of her.  
  
‘’I do not need Mike, dad.’’   
  
‘’Every woman needs a husband, Stef. You know so.’’  
  
‘’I do not need a husband,’’ Stef started, the words almost choking in her throat, ‘’I’m,’’ she took one final breath, ‘’I am gay, dad.’’ Her father looked at her in shock. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped. Stef felt as if earth had stopped spinning. Time stood still. Silence filled the room and her ears; she could not even hear the TV.  
  
‘’No, Stef.’’ Frank blurted out. Stef’s world began moving again. The adrenaline was rushing through her body, blood streaming rapidly through her veins. ‘’Someone has you confused.’’ He spoke with what Stef thought to be extreme suppressed panic. He tried to keep a straight face, but his acting skills were failing him. Stef hardly knew where she found the bravery to go on, but she did.  
  
‘’Dad, I am gay,’’ she said once again, trying to get used to the new term. She was gay _. She was a lesbian._ ‘’I am gay and I am not going to hide it anymore, nor am I going to let you control me because of your religious views.’’ As she finished her reply of confession, she felt a release. She felt like her soul was immediately starting to expand. Freedom, unlike any she’d sensed before, filled her from within. It was as though an invisible chain around her entire body was finally taken off, no longer able to limit her or hold her back.  
  
The look in Frank’s eyes was compatible with a look of a person who thought they had just seen a ghost. He didn’t want to believe what he was hearing. He rose from the couch and put one hand in his pocket. His face was twisting as if he was hurt and wanted to cry.  
  
‘’No.’’ he breathed out and stepped back, ‘’no.’’ He was in shock. He refused to believe the words coming out of his daughter’s mouth. His daughter, his Stef, could not be gay. Anyone else could, just not her.  
  
‘’Yes.’’ Stef said, growing more certain of herself by each second. ‘’Yes, dad.’’ The smell of pot roast began filling the room and Stef understood that she ought to bring it out of the oven very soon. It had been in there for 3 hours. She wouldn’t want to burn it.  
  
‘’I cannot stay.’’ Frank said and hurried towards the door. Stef stood up and set off after him.  
  
‘’Dad, don’t leave.’’ she pleaded. ‘’Just stay for dinner.’’  
  
Frank shook his head in awe, ‘’this is sin, Stef, and you know it. I tried to tell you when you were in high school, that this is sin.’’ He stopped himself and quickly put on his jacket, ‘‘enjoy the pot roast.’’ he said, before rushing out and trying hard not to slam the door too roughly as he departed.  
  
Stef had imagined that she would be absolutely heartbroken and torn apart if her father reacted this way, but as he left, she felt something entirely else. Standing in the hallway, in front of the door out of which her father had just rushed because of the news, she felt like a winner. She had just won the hardest battle she’d ever fought – the one against herself. She stood still in the same spot, taking slow breaths. She smiled at herself, unpretentiously, and enjoyed the feeling of victory and the feelings of freedom and release. Stef was going to have to learn how to shake off her previous beliefs of what was right and wrong and of what love was supposed to be. Love was not between her and a man. Love was between her and a woman, and she had been suppressing it for much too long. She was still going to have to learn how to accept her new self completely, or rather, the person she had always been but chosen to push away. She knew, now. She knew who she was and she did not want to go back to living a lie.   
  
She thought of herself in bed with Lena. _Lena, her Lena, the one she wanted._ She had hurt her. Wow, how she had hurt Lena.  
 _How was she going to get her back?_

 


	18. ''You had me at lesbian''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it! Thank you so much for the response I've been getting! And thank you so much to @hyadamsfoster for helping me with my mistakes in language on the other chapters (maybe that's called being a beta?) Well, all the remaning mistakes and misspellings are totally just my own, haha. Hopefully it's not too disturbing though.  
> PS: If you want to you can leave PROMPTS for ONE SHOTS in a comment here. I'll have a break from school soon and I want to write during it, so just give me ideas for anything you'd like to read. It could be pre-pilot, post-pilot, during a specific episode, with a specific scenery... I don't know, just anything Stef & Lena. I really wanna try it out. Thank you! xx

The evening sky was adorned with a sloping crescent moon and luminous stars lighting up the darkness. Stef was sitting inside of her car, dressed in her favorite grey jeans and a light-pink jumper. She had just parked outside of Lena’s house, now contemplating whether or not she could go inside. She needed to apologize and tell Lena what she had done.  
\--  
  
Lena stood in the kitchen, putting the plates back into the top shelf over the oven. Her eyes rose as she heard the car pull up at her house. She put down the plates to go to the window and get a closer look at who's car it might be. A blonde woman stepped out of the car and began walking through the garden, heading towards the front door. Lena saw her. Her pulse was raising and she clenched her lips together in a tense act.  
 _What was she doing here?_  
  
‘’Stef!’’ Lena called as she stepped out of the house and walked towards Stef. She was angry and frustrated, highly notable by her frowned face.  _She can't just show up here unannounced,_  Lena thought.  _She could’ve at least called!  
  
_ As Lena came closer and closer to her, Stef had to take a breath. Her hair, not curly today, looked nice. It was odd seeing her without curly hair again, she’d only seen it once and it was the first time they had met each other. She realized she had missed Lena’s curls as her eyes scrutinized her and wandered all over hair and face. _I definitely like the curls more,_ Stef admitted to herself. _  
  
_Stef stood in front of her. As the winds cast a gust her way, it brought Stef’s sweet fragrance with it. It hovered around Lena’s face and into her nostrils, making her want to shut her eyes. _How could she not have remembered her scent? She smelled so good._ Lena cleared her throat, her cheeks hot.   
  
‘’What are you doing here?’’ she asked as she was fidgeting with the corners of her shirt. Lena felt her palms getting sweaty and she didn’t know quite where to point her eyes.  
  
‘’Lena, listen. I just need to tell you that I ha-‘’ Stef wasn’t allowed finish her sentence before she was interrupted by Lena’s words.  
  
‘’I’m not doing this,’’ Lena breathed out, shaking her head in frustration, ‘’I’m not. I’m not getting involved with a married woman.’’ Lena couldn’t understand why Stef was here. She had told Lena, just a couple of days ago, that she didn’t think a relationship between them was going to be a good idea. And she was married! She was married to Mike, the man she never wanted to discuss! And besides, she hadn’t called or texted in all of these days. So why was she here?  
  
‘’Women like you,’’ Lena said, ‘’you’re just passing through. But this is where I live, Stef.’’ It was true. Some women thought it was okay to just rush into somebody else’s life, turn everything upside down and then leave them there. ‘’This is my life.‘’ Lena stated. She knew that Stef felt something for her, otherwise they wouldn’t share this, whatever it was, but Lena couldn’t be her secret. She was a grown woman, and if Stef felt she couldn’t handle this, Lena would not waste her life on it. She could not waste her love on a woman who didn’t feel the same thing.  
  
Stef felt an urgent need to stop Lena from talking and more importantly, stop her from believing her own words. She wanted nothing but to lean in and kiss her immediately; she wanted to show her love and affection and how much things had changed over these last few days that they hadn’t been together. But, of course, Lena was upset. She had been kept in the dark because Stef had been so busy sorting her life out, so she would have to just tell her. It would be Lena’s choice if she would then subsequently let her show the feelings bubbling inside of her. Stef knew better than to force herself on Lena.  
  
‘’I told Mike and I told my dad and I told my friend, and, well, boss.’’ Stef took a breath as the past few days played before her eyes in seconds. _At the office, when she let her friend and boss know her truth, how she’d almost choked on her words when she told Mike and how her father had rushed out of her house at the news._  She continued, ‘’I told them I’m gay. I even used the word lesbian.’’ Lena’s eyebrows furrowed and she tilted her head slightly downwards, not yet taking her eyes off Stef. Stef searched her heart, searched her soul.  _What had she realized during these days? What was her conclusion out of everything blurry and out of all the confusion?_ ‘’I told them I met a woman I can’t live without and I belong with you Lena.’’ Her voice cracked at the last words, because they came from the most honest and sincere place within her. This was nothing but the truth. This was the most honest thing she had done, and it was making the feelings dwell inside of her.  
  
Lena’s eyes flickered away from Stef. ‘’Lena, please,’’ Stef pleaded as she watched Lena with burning angst, hoping she would answer. ‘’Please, say something.’’ Lena looked up at her. Stef expected her eyes to turn in anger and irritation, but instead, they glimmered and began watering. Lena’s lips had parted in surprise.  _Stef had told Mike,_ Lena thought _. It could only mean one thing, right? They were getting a divorce. Stef was gay. She was a lesbian._  Lena’s eyes gave a blink and a lenient smile flitted over her face.  
  
‘’How does it feel?’’ Stef asked carefully.  
  
‘’I,’’ Lena began. The presence of Stef and her body close to her, created a strong pulsation that filled her chest and her entire her body. She knew she had missed Stef during these days, but she never knew how good it would feel to finally stand close to her again. Stef had come out, and Lena knew how hard that was for some people, so it had to mean she was keen to work for this. She got pensive for a moment.  _But was she really ready for a life as a lesbian? It could be harder than she imagined._ ‘’Are you sure?’’ she asked.  
  
Stef wanted to touch her. She wanted to put her arms around Lena’s waist and show her she was ready, but she wasn’t sure if Lena would approve of it. She decided to test the waters by taking a step forward, meticulously and slowly reaching her arms out.  
  
‘’Yes, Lena.’’ Lena looked at the woman in front of her, sincerity reading in her beautiful and blue, ardent eyes.  _Why had she not prepared herself for this when she saw Stef step out of the car?_ Lena took a step closer to Stef.  _How stupid had she been, to think that could ever resist Stef?_ Stef looked at her, eyes gleaming, and reached to bring her into her arms. Lena, who didn't possess enough power to not relent and give in, put her arms around the other woman. They stood pushed against each other, heat creating between them. Stef felt like she was home. Lena felt so good, so close to her, and she never wanted to let her go. She wanted to feel her breath on her all the time, she always wanted to smell Lena’s hair and she wanted to touch her forever.  
  
Their hearts were beating in the same pace before Lena slowly began leaning back and pulling away. She studied Stef, and as her eyes flickered down, they stopped at Stef’s nose.  _It is almost unbelievably_ _well proportioned_ , Lena thought. Her gaze slipped lower, this time stopping at her lush lips. She forced herself to look up at Stef’s eyes again, and the look in the eyes staring back at her was intense. Stef brought her hand to Lena’s supple cheek and caressed it smoothly. She lifted Lena's chin and Lena's nose touched Stef’s. Lena swallowed when she felt Stef’s hot breath brush over her mouth. Stef slowly closed the space between them and pressed her lips against Lena’s. Lena's eyes closed as she opened her mouth and slowly captured Stef’s bottom lip between her own lips. Stef responded with placing her hands on Lena’s lower back and pulling her closer to her. Lena now took Stef’s upper lip between her own lips and then matched them perfectly on each other before their lips slowly, gently, pulled apart at quiet smack.

‘’Stef,’’ Lena whispered as Stef tried to unite them in another kiss, ‘’Stef, wait,’’ she said and put a gentle hand on Stef’s chest. ‘’Do you really know what you’re doing?’’  
  
‘’Yes,’’ Stef said and tried to take Lena’s hand away, ‘’or no, but, I love you.’’ Her voice was clear. ‘’I love you Lena, and I belong here.’’ Lena’s eyebrows raised and she felt heat coursing through her body. She needed that encouragement to continue.  _Stef loves me,_ Lena thought.  _And I love her._ Lena grabbed Stef’s hands and brought them up so Stef could place her arms around Lena's neck. Lena locked her own arms around Stef’s waist and placed a quick peck on her lips. She slowly began walking towards the door, Stef walking backwards with a big grin on her face.  
  
Lena gently pushed Stef against the door. ‘’Do you love me?’’ she asked, unable to hide the ridiculous smile playing across all of her face. Stef laughed and shook her head, her grin only growing bigger.  
  
‘’I do, yes, Ms. Adams.’’  
  
‘’I love you too.’’ Lena rushed out. Her one hand reached down to push down the door handle. The door opened, and Stef almost stumbled as they got inside. Lena closed the door behind them and reached out to Stef again. Stef leaned in and kissed her.   
  
 _I never imagined I would be here,_  Stef thought. ‘’I am so sorry, Lena.’’ Stef said quietly, her eyes forlorn. ‘’I’ve been so afraid.’’ She really had been. Her feelings for Lena had overwhelmed her completely from the first day they’d met, and the denial of them in the beginning and the doubt of what she really wanted had been terrible. But she was finally here, now. She had overcome.  
  
Lena stroke a hand over Stef's cheek and took a firm grip around her. ‘’I am just happy you’ve discovered your truth.'' She looked down before kissing Stef's upper lip, then her bottom lip and then covering both her lips with her own. Stef’s lips parted and Lena’s tongue slid over Stef’s. It was hot and wet. Inviting.  
  
Stef took Lena’s hand and pulled away. ‘‘Upstairs?’’ she asked, her cheeks pink and warm. Lena nodded in agreement and began walking upstairs. As they entered the bedroom and Lena sat down on the bed, Stef took the opportunity to make conversation.  
  
‘’Did I overwhelm you out there?’’  
  
Lena smiled. ‘’Maybe a little.’’  
  
‘’Too much to handle at the same time?’’ Stef asked, smiled and began walking towards the bed to sit down next to Lena.  
   
‘’What do you mean?’’ Lena laughed ironically as she kicked the shoes off her feet. She put both her legs on the bed.  
  
‘’Did you think I was really gay?’’ Stef followed Lena’s lead and took off her shoes too, trying to keep the situation as casual as possible. She was, after all, still getting used to calling herself gay. It wasn't the absolute easiest thing to do, but she needed to get away from the voices in her head.  _Being gay was....okay._  
  
‘’I don’t know what I thought.’’ Lena said and reached for Stef. She pulled her over her body. Stef placed her arms on each side of Lena. ‘’I just knew I wanted you.’’ Lena added.  
  
‘’And now you know...I’m gay.’’ Stef smiled.  _This word,_ she thought.  _I am gay._  
  
Lena’s voice giggled softy, ‘’you’re a lesbian.’’ she corrected.

‘’You seem to like that word, don’t ya?’’ Stef’s eyes gazed down lovingly at the woman under her. Even though she was a cop, having her arms holding her up was becoming a bit uncomfortable and demanding. She lay down next to Lena, placing her face in her palm of her hand and having her elbow rest on a pillow. She didn’t want to look anywhere but at Lena.  
  
‘’It’s very nice,’’ Lena said and looked at Stef, her eyes half-lidded with new desire. ‘’And you had me right there.’’  
  
‘’What?’’ Stef laughed and ran her tongue over her bottom lip, excited by the look she was getting from Lena.  _Oh, how she had longed for this moment._  She had missed this bed, and more importantly, being in it with Lena. The thought of what they had done the last time she was here shot an electrical wave through her. She felt heat and pulsation from between her legs.  
  
‘’You had me at that word, Stef,’’ Lena said. Her fingers moved to play with the garment of Stef’s shirt. She let her index run over the skin that wasn’t covered by garment, and then she moved her hand up towards the shoulder to try to pull the shirt down. ‘’You had me at lesbian.’’ she whispered and moved closer to Stef, pressed her lips against her neck and slowly began placing kisses up and down. Stef, desperate for Lena, pulled her own shirt off of her head and grabbed Lena’s face to kiss her. Lena smiled into her kisses.  
 _  
This is good,_ Lena thought.  _This is perfect,_ she thought again, _and from here on we'll do it together. We could make it._

 


End file.
